you're holy to me

He was left to the grief, the guilt, the knowledge that Gabe wouldn't be forgiving him. It was alot for him. His first loves, then Belphegor, now Micah, was there nothing sacred? Was everything he loved doomed to die in agony and bloodshed? Had he been cursed?

An answer came simply to him then. He could end it. He could stand now, walk into the molten lava, save everyone else around him from the curse of his love. He unfurled. The idea was tempting. His eyes stared at its surface, it's color matching the gems in his skull. It could be over quickly, painfully but quickly.

Paws coming towards him stopped him from lifting himself towards the lava. A sob came. The words that came from the heralds mouth next were full of pity. The problem was they weren't true. "But it wasn't, the desicion was easy, the action of doing it even more so. Yet the hardest thing about this is admitting to you what I did. Just knowing that I'll never earn your true forgiveness, that I'll never be anything more than the brother that killed the Lord. Just because I couldn't accept that he could be right, that my way of life could be wrong. That perhaps we deserve death for being as we are, you and Uriel  homosexual, and me bisexual and incestuous....." his voice was weak, breaking him as he verbally admitted things he couldn't help or control. As he admitted truths of the worst kind to not only himself but to Gabriel.

He rose then, haunted eyes moving to his brother. He moved towards Gabe. He wanted closeness, intimacy, even if it was all false. Without abba they were free from the fear that he may catch them but still Sam stayed cautious. He sat with his head tucked beneath Gabe's throat, his shoulder delicately against Gabe's throbbing heart.