-1 you need to attempt to close the distance -2 you need to attempt to come down on her -2 you need to attempt to bite her, the way it's written makes it sound like his attack was successful. Only your opponent can decide if your attack hits. -1 the opponent decides how much damage is done, you can state your intent but not the outcome.
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
Excessive Movement
Realism
8/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
Positioning
-2 how is Elias positioning himself relative to her? Is he attacking straight on? At an angle? At her side?
Directions
Movements
Damage
6/10 for Attacks:
+1 paw to face
+1 paw to hips
+3 bite +1 grip
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
10/10 for Injuries:
first round
Status
7/12 for Experience:
+3 Intermediate Fighter
+4 Advanced Hunter
5/5 for Health:
pack wolf
unhealed event status - fine
unhealed fight status - fine
ELIAS’s round one total: 45/62
VIPER:
WRITING
8/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
Godmoding
-2 make sure to mention what became of your opponents attacks. Elias attacked with his jaws, if this missed you need to state so and why.
If/Than Statements
Excessive Movement
Realism
10/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
Positioning
Directions
Movements
Damage
5/10 for Attacks:
+2 paw wrap
+3 bite
4/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
10/10 for Injuries:
first round, none to list
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 Beginner Fighter
+1 Beginner Hunter
4/5 for Health:
-1 loner
unhealed event status - fine
unhealed fight status - fine
VIPER’s round one total: 43/62
ROUND TWO
ELIAS:
WRITING
4/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
-2 you need to attempt the paw to the chest -2 you need to attempt the bite, your last paragraph seems to assume he got a hold in the first place and that may not be the case.
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
-2 lifting her head and stepping back to drag depends on his attack actually succeeding which you don't yet know if he was successful.
Excessive Movement
Realism
10/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
Positioning
Directions
Movements
Damage
5/10 for Attacks:
+1 paw stomp
+3 bite +1 grip
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
9/10 for Injuries:
-1 light lacerations to ankle
Status
7/12 for Experience:
+3 Intermediate Fighter
+4 Advanced Hunter
5/5 for Health:
pack wolf
unhealed event status - fine
unhealed fight status - fine
ELIAS’ round two total: 45/62
VIPER:
WRITING
10/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
Excessive Movement
Realism
6/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
Positioning
-2 how are her jaws positioned, I couldn't quite follow
Directions
Movements
Damage
-2 how much damage did his attacks do to her?
4/10 for Attacks:
+3 bite +1 severity since that is a very delicate area
3/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
9/10 for Injuries:
-1 light lacerations to head
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 Beginner Fighter
+1 Beginner Hunter
4/5 for Health:
-1 loner
unhealed event status - fine
unhealed fight status - fine
VIPER’s round two total: 38/62
Totals:
ELIAS: 90/124 VIPER: 81/124
And the winner is...
ELIAS! VIPER must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Viper has been claimed by Elias
Damage:
ELIAS:
Lacerations to ankle - 1 ooc week
VIPER:
Lacerations to head - 1 ooc week
Notes:
Good fight guys. My notes are above. Chrono, you're improving! I'm not sure I can directly comment on OOC notes but for defenses I'd say just take a look at what some other fighters are doing and you should pick it up quickly. Sin, good attacks just clean up any language that could be taken as being a powerplay and that should significantly improve your score!
