-1 “Instead of letting her leg fall back to the ground, she'd aim to have the same left front paw land on the man's right front paw...” You aren't giving your opponent enough time to react by using a body part more than once in a post. What if Mercury tries to intercept her paw by biting it?
-1 for headbutt + bite. Same as above.
-1 I'm also deducting a point for attacking the same place twice in one post, as there's a time conflict there as well. Mercury hasn't had a chance to react to the first attack yet.
8/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 “...pull into it back and seeking to jab her wrist joint into the space...” I realize this is a typo, but I'm not sure what's happening here. Is she knuckling that paw under and using the back of it to smack him?
Positioning
-1 “Lower jaws aiming for the front of the joint, while her lower jaw sought purchase on the back...”
7/10 for Attacks:
+2 for headbutt
+1 for slap
+1 for stomp
+3 for bite
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for ears flattened
+1 for widened stance
+1 for knees bent
+1 for toes spread
10/10 for Injuries:
first round
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 beginner intellectual
+1 beginner fighter
4/5 for Health:
Pack member? n
Unhealed event status? n
Unhealed fight status? n
Alis’ round one total: 43/62
MERCURY:
WRITING
8/10 for Power Play:
If/Than Statements
-1 “Were his jaws to find purchase in any bit of her flesh, he would follow through with the curvature of his form so that he stood perpendicular to her, prepared to bounce back on his heels to pull away from the gnashing and snapping jaws that most certainly will come after him.”
Realism
-1 “...arching his body and spine in a very sharp 'C' to bring his own jaws to snap at the thick nape and fur and flesh towards the side of her neck/face.” If he's blind and they haven't made contact yet, how does he know where to aim?
5/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 “...at the thick nape and fur and flesh towards the side of her neck/face.” A bit more information is needed here. Which side of her neck?
Damage
-1 How severe is the bruising to his hip?
-2 What happened to Alis' paw stomp and bite? Every attack needs to be addressed, so if he evaded those attacks completely you need to say so. Try not to let anything be assumed, because both judges and opponents (in the next round) can then assign damage!
-1 “Her headbutt misses it's intended mark, but instead manages to land squarely on his hip...” Which hip? For clarity's sake, even if it's obvious, always state left or right and, when necessary, front or back.
4/10 for Attacks:
+3 for bite
+1 for grip
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for flattened ears
+1 for tucked tail
+1 for tucked chin
+1 for legs bent
+1 for lowered head
10/10 for Injuries:
moderate bruising to hip (severity assigned by judge)
first round, no deductions
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 Beginner intellectual
+1 Beginner fighter
4/5 for Health:
Pack member? n
Unhealed event status? n
Unhealed fight status? n
Mercury’s round one total: 38/62
ROUND TWO
ALIS:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
-1 “When her paw landed wherever it did...” It would have been better not to mention this paw at all and let the previous redistribution with the raised leg stand. Mentioning it here brings you into conflict with your opponent's ability to react. You're assuming Mercury isn't going to do something that completely screws everything up for Alis, like kicking or biting that leg.
8/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 “...into the front of his already battered right hind leg.” Where on the front of his leg?
Positioning
-1 “...seeking to throw the weight of her hips sideways into the side of the man's right shoulder ...” Be sure to explicitly state which body part you're using in an attack. Is she using the meaty exterior of her leg? The bony point of her hip? Which hip?
5/10 for Attacks:
+3 for bite
+1 for shoulder throw
+1 for stomp
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for weight distributed
+1 for ears flattened
+1 for eyes narrowed
+1 for raised hackles
+1 for tucked tail
8/10 for Injuries:
-2 for moderate lacerations to neck
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 beginner intellectual
+1 beginner fighter
4/5 for Health:
Pack member? n
Unhealed event status? n
Unhealed fight status? n
Alis' round two total: 41/62
MERCURY:
WRITING
10/10 for Power Play:
None seen!
5/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-2 “aiming to grasp her hind-ankle” left or right? And what is he using to grab it?
Movements
-1 “he compensates for this by spreading his weight evenly along the three legs that are planted firmly to the ground” Planting his other paws doesn't mesh with his intent to vault off Alis' face
Damage
-1 “of flesh at the meeting on his hip and torso” left or right side?
-1 “but meets his flank instead of her initial target since he has moved forward” same as above
3/10 for Attacks:
+2 for kick
+1 for grab
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for ears flattened
+1 for tucked tail
+1 for weight distributed
+1 for hackles raised
8/10 for Injuries:
-1 for all bruising
-1 for superficial bite wound
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 Beginner intellectual
+1 Beginner fighter
4/5 for Health:
Pack member? n
Unhealed event status? n
Unhealed fight status? n
Mercurius’ round two total: 37/62
ROUND THREE
ALIS:
WRITING
10/10 for Power Play:
None seen!
9/10 for Clarity:
Attack
-1 If they're more or less parallel, how can she kick him with her left hind leg?
4/10 for Attacks:
+1 for kick
+3 for bite
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for eyes narrowed
+1 for ears flattened
+1 for hackles raised
+1 for tail up for balance
+1 for weight balanced
7/10 for Injuries:
-1 for mild lacerations
-2 for moderate puncture wounds
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 beginner intellectual
+1 beginner fighter
4/5 for Health:
Pack member? n
Unhealed event status? n
Unhealed fight status? n
Alis' round three total: 41/62
MERCURIUS:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
Attack
-1 “though he is prepared to release his hold on her foot” Grips/holds don't carry over into the next round. They have to be attempted so for this to have been acceptable you would have had to say something like “he attempted to maintain his hold on her foot but was prepared to...”
7/10 for Clarity:
Movements
-1 “His body doesn't stay there for long, however, his feet pressing to the ground only briefly so that he can bounce onto his ankles” I'm not sure what he's doing here
Damage
-2 where on his tail did the bite land? And what damage did he take?
2/10 for Attacks:
+2 for hold/twist
3/5 for Defenses:
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for flattened ears
+1 for tucked tail
0 for tucked chin as he is actively lifting his head
8/10 for Injuries:
-2 for moderate lacerations to middle of tail (severity and location assigned by judge)
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 Beginner intellectual
+1 Beginner fighter
4/5 for Health:
Pack member? n
Unhealed event status? n
Unhealed fight status? n
Mercurius' round three total: 35/62
Totals:
Alis: 125/186 Mercurius: 110/186
And the winner is...
ALIS! Mercurius must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.
