Cause I broke your heart
He waited for her to speak. To say something. Anything. He could imagine how she looked, wondering how she felt. Was she hurting too? He didn't know. Sometimes he wished he could have just forgotten her, but for some reason, he just couldn't. "I...thought maybe you might be better off without me at one point." Confusion filled his head. What? Brow points knit together as he tried to make sense of why she said that. Did he do something wrong? Did he say something to her that made her think she wasn't welcomed anymore? He had so many questions, but his voice felt stuck in his throat. All he could do was blankly gaze in her direction as he tried to force himself to say something. Anything. But then she spoke again, explaining why she had been so elusive the past few seasons. In a way, he understood. She was the sort that enjoyed her freedom and she had always been a wanderer at heart. Honestly, he felt like he had scared her away by asking her to join his pack. He had blamed himself for her disappearance...and he still kind of did.
She apologized, and he took a deep breath. Scarred eyes closed for a few moments as he tried to calm his racing heart, sorting through his mind for words to say. Could he make this better? Did she want it to be better? He had to at least tell her that..."I...I forgive you, Iskra..." Sightless gaze opened again, and he looked at her as if he were able to see her again. "I...honestly I thought I was the reason you left. Because I asked you to join me when I had Talis...I thought maybe...just maybe...it wasn't what you wanted. And after I lost the challenge, that I wasn't what you wanted..." He swallowed, his face twisting into that of doubt and confusion. "I thought...for a while...that I wasn't good enough for you...I lost my pack...the friends I had...half my family scattered...and then I couldn't find you..." To be honest, he felt guilty for some reason too. Or maybe he was just feeling like he hadn't done enough. Like he had failed at what he wanted to succeed at. "I tried to look for you after a season or so, just to make sure you were alright...I didn't mind that you were gone or that you wanted to do your own thing, I just...worried about you. I hoped every day that you were safe and well, but it was hard trying to track you down when I can't even see!
I'm so fucking useless! He thought, suddenly feeling like he had failed her. The thought that she had left him without a word all this time because he was blind had crossed his mind so many times. He felt maybe she had been the one that moved on. That she had found someone better. That she had come to the realization that he wasn't what she wanted. He took a few steps forward, hopefully in her direction. He wanted so badly to pull her close and hold her and tell her over and over that he forgave her and that he loved her. But he didn't want to feel like he was overstepping whatever boundaries she might have decided to have. What if she did find someone else? Of course, he had his own shit that needed to be said...like the fact he had kids with someone he didn't even know and without realizing it until recently...but that wasn't even in his thought process at the moment. All that he was focused on right now was the woman before him.
It took him a few moments longer as he tried to pinpoint her position, and when he heard the slightest shuffle of movement, he stepped forward until he was standing just a foot or so away. "I'm...sorry, if I did something that drove you away...but just to let you know, I haven't been able to move on. As stupid as it sounds I guess. I may not be perfect, and I've done my fair share of fucking up, but..." Shit, what else should he say? He felt like he had said a lot already, and he did have a lot to say...but now that she was here, now that she was within reach...he didn't care that she had been gone all that time. Quietly, he leaned down and touched the top of her head with his nose. He couldn't and wouldn't be selfish. He was sure she needed comfort, and to know that he wasn't angry with her. |
Dragon never goes anywhere without his Dragon armor, assume he is always wearing it unless otherwise mentioned! He also has a pair of seeing eye jaguars, assume they're always present unless otherwise mentioned.