If/Than Statements
-1 “If/When the woman was within striking distance of her opponent...”
General
-1 Nowhere in the previous posts is it mentioned that there is 10 meters between her and her opponent. Barring that, for this to work I would have needed an OOC note stating it was the agreed upon distance between you and your opponent.
8/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 Neph's opponent is 6” taller than her; if her chin is tucked and her head is lowered how can she reach the center-right of Ra's neck?
-1 “Simultaneously, unhinged jaws would attempt to snake towards the left (POV) of her opponent’s throat, muzzle hopefully angled in towards the center of his right-sided (Nephthys’s left) neck as...” This line is a bit unwieldy. There's three mentions of whose left or right we're talking about in one sentence and it makes it difficult to follow. My suggestion for the future would be to ditch the 'POV' and simply say it's Neph's left.
6/10 for Attacks:
+2 for shoulder throw
+1 for severity
+3 for bite
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for flattened ears
+1 for raised hackles
+1 for battle stance
+1 for legs bent
10/10 for Injuries:
list injuries (even first round, deductions beginning second)
Status
9/12 for Experience:
+4 Advanced Navigator
+5 Expert Intellectual
5/5 for Health:
Pack member? Y
Unhealed event status? N
Unhealed fight status? N
Nephthys’ round one total: 51/62
Ra:
WRITING
8/10 for Power Play:
Godmoding
-1 “She did not lock her jaws tight and sever the tendon.” Her aim was to do just that, so I've deducted a point here for powerplaying.
If/Than Statements
-1 “If his grab for her earring succeeded he attempted to start to rip her ear by pulling the ring through the skin of her ear.”
7/10 for Clarity:
Damage
-1 what is the severity of the bruising to his shoulder?
-1 “Surely he soon felt the burst of pain as her teeth closed on his lower neck.” She was aiming for the center of the right side of his neck. What caused her to miss her intended target?
-1 How severe is the bite wound on his neck?
1/10 for Attacks:
+1 for earring pull
1/5 for Defenses:
+1 for weight distributed evenly
10/10 for Injuries:
Moderate bruising to shoulder (severity assigned by judge)
Moderate bite wound to neck (severity assigned by judge)
Status
4/12 for Experience:
+3 Intermediate Fighter
+1 Beginner Intellectual
4/5 for Health:
Pack member? n
Unhealed event status? n
Unhealed fight status? n
Ra’s round one total: 35/62
ROUND TWO
Nephthys:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
-1 “...she maintained her grip...” This should have been attempted.
6/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 you didn't specific if she's using her front or back right paw.
-1 “...attempted sweeping motion with her right paw from the inside of his left front ankle and to her right...” The wording here is a bit tricky. I'm not sure if she's hoping to strike the inside of his right front ankle or if you're just trying to make it known she's sweeping from between his front paws outwards towards her right.
Damage
-1 How severe is the bruise on her shoulder?
-1 How severe is the damage to her ear?
3/10 for Attacks:
+2 for bite/head shake
+1 for paw sweep
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for widened stance
+1 for tail up for balance
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for bent legs
+1 for raised hackles
8/10 for Injuries:
-1 for moderate bruising to shoulder (damage assigned by judge)
-1 for minor tear to ear (damage assigned by judge)
Status
9/12 for Experience:
+4 Advanced Navigator
+5 Expert Intellectual
5/5 for Health:
Pack member? Y
Unhealed event status? N
Unhealed fight status? N
Nephthys' round two total: 45/62
Ra:
WRITING
7/10 for Power Play:
If/Than Statements
-1 “If, on the other hand she loosened her grip on his throat he would attempt to...”
-1 “If she did cling on he would use the fact she was stretching up on three legs to push her over on the right. He could then attempt to slam her head onto the floor.”
General
-1 “...the angle meant that her teeth had sunk into the layer of fatty tissue and not into his sternomastoideus muscle.” This should have been stated in the last round since the original bite took place there. I'm going to count it as a minor powerplay this round as it feels like an attempt to circumvent damage.
0/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 More information is needed on Ra's jump. Where is he jumping to? Is his aim to go over Neph? To the side? Is he simply jumping up?
-1 How is he going to try to push Nephthys over?
-1 how is he going to slam Nephthys' head on the ground?
-2 “...his abdominal area landing on her neck.” Where on her neck? What part of his abdomen?
-1 what kind of damage is he hoping to inflict in this post?
Positioning
-1 You mentioned twice in this post that Neph has a hold of his throat, but that contradicts other statements in this post and your last one.
-1 “...he would use the fact she was stretching up on three legs to push her over on the right.” Ra's right or Neph's?
Movements
-1 how is he using his tail to control his balance?
-1 what happened to Neph's attempt to trip Ra? If you dodged it completely you need to say so. Remember, judges can't assume anything!
Damage
-2 what happened to Neph's bite attack? What (if any) new damage did he take from her attempts to worsen his wound?
2/10 for Attacks:
+2 for jump attack
?/5 for Defenses:
None seen
7/10 for Injuries:
-3 Severe bite wound to neck (damage assigned by judge)
Status
4/12 for Experience:
+3 Intermediate Fighter
+1 Beginner Intellectual
4/5 for Health:
Pack member? n
Unhealed event status? n
Unhealed fight status? n
Ra’s round two total: 24/62
ROUND THREE
Nephthys:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
General
-1 “...leaping forward his right pad collided with her left temple.” In Ra's last post there was no mention of him using his paws in an attack. If you asked for clarity from his player you need to make an OOC note somewhere in your post saying so.
0/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 how can she be reaching out to bite while tucking her chin and lowering her head? Be aware of how defenses and attacks work (or don't!) together.
Positioning
-1 “...weight evenly distributing across all limbs that managed to be grounded...” This is a bit vague. Which ones are grounded? To minimize your chances of being misunderstood it's better to state these things plainly instead of assuming your opponent (or judge) will later note that Neph is kicking off with her back paws and thus assume only the back ones are grounded.
-2 I would have liked to see more info about Nephthys' L/T positioning. Stating where she hopes to be in relation to Ra would have made a big difference clarity-wise. So if her goal was to line the center of her chest (this is just an example) up with the outside of his right shoulder, stating it like I just did would have been a cleaner, more straightforward way of getting your point across.
-1 “...leaping forward his right pad collided with her left temple.” Fore or hind right pad?
Movements
-1 for excessive movement. She's moving around to make an L or T shape plus setting all her defenses plus diving under Ra all while he's presumably still in the air.
-1 “...the woman’s hind legs tensed and sought to propel her forwards.” Is this a jump? A lunge forward?
-1 “However she did not see the push...” What push?
Damage
-1 “What (if any) damage did Nephthys take from the paw strike? Even if none was taken you need to make a note of it so I know it wasn't forgotten.”
-1 “Claws lost their initial landing due to his push...” Does this mean they hit their target but slipped?
4/10 for Attacks:
+3 for bite
+1 for maim attempt
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for flattened ears
+1 for raised hackles
+1 for widened stance
+1 for legs bent
9/10 for Injuries:
-1 minor bruising to temple (damage assigned by judge)
Status
9/12 for Experience:
+4 Advanced Navigator
+5 Expert Intellectual
5/5 for Health:
Pack member? Y
Unhealed event status? N
Unhealed fight status? N
Nephthys' round three total: 41/62
Ra:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
-1 “...reaching for her face...” This should have been attempted.
2/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 “...he lashed forward with his right claw...” Is this his right front paw?
-1 Which eye is Ra attacking?
-1 What damage is he hoping for in the claw attack?
-1 Where on her left pectoral muscle is he trying to bite? It's a fairly large area.
Positioning
-1 “He turned his body to the right...” Whose right?
-1 more info is needed about Ra's turn to the right. What is his hoped for positioning? Is his whole body turning?
-1 “...lowered his rear to prevent her attacking his rear limb.” Is he sitting or crouching?
Movements
Damage
-1 more info is needed about the bite to his left front leg. Is it a tear? Puncture wounds? How severe is it?
5/10 for Attacks:
+2 claw attack
+3 for bite
0/5 for Defenses:
None seen
8/10 for Injuries:
-2 moderate bite wound to left foreleg (damage assigned by judge)
Status
4/12 for Experience:
+3 Intermediate Fighter
+1 Beginner Intellectual
4/5 for Health:
Pack member? n
Unhealed event status? n
Unhealed fight status? n
Ra’s round three total: 32/62
Totals:
Nephthys: 137/186 Ra: 91/186
And the winner is...
Nephthys! Ra must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Nephthys' maim attempt was succesful.
Damage:
Both:
All bruising – 4 ooc days
Minor flesh wounds – 1 ooc week
Moderate flesh wounds – 2 ooc weeks
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
For both: My notes are in the deductions above! Please don't be discouraged; our tier one fight system is tricky! My advice would be that if you find yourself in a tier one fight again try to be succinct in your posts. Write plainly and clearly, and don't leave anything up to the imagination. You want your descriptions of what your characters are doing to be detailed and precise because what might seem obvious to you might not be obvious to the reader.
