Attempts
-1”He stood at a 10-foot distance from the albino male...” For this to work it should have been established before the first fight post or been agreed upon by both players with an OOC note saying so.
4/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 “Tyranis intended to slam the small pocket of flesh between Tyranis's neck and his shoulder...” I think this could be a bit clearer. Is this part of his chest, the shoulder joint, or the top of his shoulder?
-1 While there is a sizable height difference, given that the fighters appear to be off center (with Ty further to Hanni's right) and they aren't chest to chest since Ty is trying to strike Hanni's nose with his right upper chest/neck/shoulder, I don't think he could reach all the way around Hanni's neck and still be able to reach all the way past/below Hanni's shoulder to bite his spine.
-1 what part of his left arm is he using to lock onto Hanni's shoulder? Is he grabbing with his paw? Hooking his foreleg over the top of Hanni's shoulder?
Positioning
-1 How is he approaching Hannibal? Head on? At an angle?
-1 If they are facing one another, how can the right side of Ty's head be next to Hannibal's? I realize there's an ooc note in the next post fixing this, but I can't take that into consideration here. Same with the deduction below.
-1 How can Ty's left foreleg reach Hanni's left shoulder?
7/10 for Attacks:
+2 for shove
+3 for bite
+1 for paw swipe
+1 for grab
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for ears flattened
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for widened stance
+1 for raised hackles
+1 for lowered head
10/10 for Injuries:
None
Status
10/12 for Experience:
+5 Expert Intellectual
+5 Expert Fighter
5/5 for Health:
Pack member? Y
Unhealed event status? No
Unhealed fight status? No
Tyranis' round one total: 50/62
Hannibal:
WRITING
10/10 for Power Play:
None seen!
3/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 More detail is needed about Hannibal's chest slam. The chest is a fairly large area; is he using his whole chest to push against Tyranis' whole chest? His upper chest against the middle of Ty's?
Positioning
-1 “...quickly turned his head left and downward.” Whose left?
-1 “...under the eye where the cheek and neck meet.” I'm not sure what you mean here since only part of the cheek and no part of the neck are under the eye.
-1 “Hannibal snarled as he aimed snapping jaws towards Tyr's left...” His left what? There's a difference between reaching towards Ty's left side and just reaching towards Ty's left (Hanni's right). Remember, judges can't make assumptions.
Damage
-1 How severe is the bite wound to his upper back?
General
-1 “....while his tail moved to a neutral stature as well.” In my mind a neutral tail position is one that requires no effort to maintain, so hanging down, which isn't a defense so I think this statement could be clearer.
-1 “Wether he came in contact with Tyranis' front right leg was up to the opposing Wolves movements.” This is worded in such a way I can't tell if this is an attack or not.
5/10 for Attacks:
+3 for bite
+2 for shove with chest
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for weight distributed
+1 for bent legs
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for flattened ears
+1 for lowered head
10/10 for Injuries:
Moderate bruising to right side of face
Moderate bite wound to upper back (severity assigned by judge)
Status
8/12 for Experience:
+3 Intermediate Intellectual
+5 Expert Fighter
4/5 for Health:
Pack member? No
Unhealed event status? No
Unhealed fight status? No
Hannibal’s round one total: 45/62
ROUND TWO
Tyranis:
WRITING
7/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
-1 “With his fangs digging into Hannibal’s back...” As this is a new round you should have attempted to keep a hold of Hannibal’s neck in addition to trying to worsen the wound.
General
-2 “...to either strike the pale optic and blind him...” Companions are not allowed to attempt maims.
7/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 “Hannibal’s right side along the path of the albinoid’s ribs...” Which ribs?
Damage
-1 how severe is the bruising Ty got from the collision and where exactly is it?
-1 “...but he didn’t rule out the potential for bruising later...” Damage needs to be decided during the fight so did he or didn’t he bruise there?
3/10 for Attacks:
+1 for “punch” (no maim point because of lack of realism)
+1 for scratch
+1 for snake bite (no maim point because this is a companion attack)
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for widened stance
+1 for bent knees
+1 for pinned ears
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for raised hackles
8/10 for Injuries:
-1 moderate bruising to right side of chest (location/severity assigned by judge)
-1 for light bruising to center of chest (damage/severity assigned by judge)
Status
10/12 for Experience:
+5 Expert Intellectual
+5 Expert Fighter
5/5 for Health:
Pack member? Y
Unhealed event status? No
Unhealed fight status? No
Tyranis’ round two total: 45/62
Hannibal:
WRITING
10/10 for Power Play:
None seen!
6/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 What happened to the bite Hannibal was seeking in the last round? Did he still try to bite Ty? Did he miss completely?
Damage
-1 How severe is the worsened damage to Hannibal’s back?
-1 For not stating the severity of the snake’s bite. Even if it’s little more than tiny puncture wounds, as a judge I need to know the severity of every wound.
-1 “A dull pain to the sternum bone was felt which would inevitably lead to a bit of bruising...” How much is a bit?
5/10 for Attacks:
+3 for bite
+1 for paw stomp
+1 for severity
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for flattened ears
+1 for raised hackles
+1 for tail raised for balance
+1 for legs bent
5/10 for Injuries:
-1 for minor scratches to ribs/minor puncture wounds
-1 for minor bruising to sternum (severity assigned by judge)
-3 for bite wound to upper back - damage upgraded to severe (severity assigned by judge)
Status
8/12 for Experience:
+3 Intermediate Intellectual
+5 Expert Fighter
4/5 for Health:
Pack member? No
Unhealed event status? No
Unhealed fight status? No
Hannibal’s round two total: 43/62
ROUND THREE
Tyranis:
WRITING
10/10 for Power Play:
0 This is just an observation so no points deducted here! You don’t have to attempt to let go of an opponent.
6/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
Positioning
-2 What is the vertex of the angle Ty is hoping to achieve? I’m taking 2 points from this because without this information the rest of the paragraph is difficult to follow. Angles in general are tricky in fight posts and I try to warn people away from them in most cases.
Movements
-1 If Ty is only swinging his back legs towards Hannibal’s left side where is he getting the forward movement to slam his shoulder into Hanni’s throat? You mentioned Ty moving his head towards Hanni’s left but that is the only mention of Ty’s front half moving. If he’s doing more than that it should have been stated.
Damage
-1 “Hannibal's fangs tore through the muscles on the slate male's chest, leaving moderate lacerations as Tyranis moved...” Where on his chest? Did Ty’s movements change where Hanni’s teeth landed?
8/10 for Attacks:
+3 for bite
+1 for severity
+2 for bird stab
+2 for shoulder throw to throat
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for splayed toes
+1 for pinned ears
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for knees bent
+1 for hackles raised
7/10 for Injuries:
-2 for moderate lacerations to chest
-1 for sprained toe
Status
10/12 for Experience:
+5 Expert Intellectual
+5 Expert Fighter
5/5 for Health:
Pack member? Y
Unhealed event status? No
Unhealed fight status? No
Tyranis’ round three total: 51/62
Hannibal:
WRITING
10/10 for Power Play:
None seen!
6/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 “The albino's front right leg attempted to bat against Tyranis' sternum...” What part of his leg is he using? His paw?
Damage
-1 How severe is the damage Hanni took from Ty’s bite? Remember, pain and damage are not the same thing.
-1 What damage did Hanni take to his sternum? How severe is the injury?
-1 How severe is the wound on his back now?
2/10 for Attacks:
+1 for grip with foreleg
+1 for swipe with foreleg
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for tail aligned with spine
+1 for raised hackles
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for pinned ears
+1 for weight distributed
5/10 for Injuries:
-2 for moderate bite wound to upper leg leg/lower left chest (severity assigned by judge)
-1 for moderate bruising to sternum (severity/damage assigned by judge)
-2 for the severe wound on Hanni’s back being worsened (severity assigned by judge)
Status
8/12 for Experience:
+3 Intermediate Intellectual
+5 Expert Fighter
4/5 for Health:
Pack member? No
Unhealed event status? No
Unhealed fight status? No
Hannibal’s round three total: 40/62
Totals:
Tyranis: 146/186 Hannibal: 128/186
And the winner is...
TYRANIS! Hannibal must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.
Damage:
Both:
All bruising - 3 ooc days
All moderate damage - 1 ooc week
All severe damage - 2 ooc weeks
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
For both: Good fight, guys! All of my notes are in the deductions above!
