Holding On To You

Philomena lifted her gaze as another joined her.

Pegasus…

She watched him quietly, blue eyes taking note of the lei around his neck. She didn’t speak at first, taking note, too, of his demeanor. As he finished speaking the woman shook her head, voice firm, stronger than it should have been as she spoke.

“The fault is not yours, Pegasus.” She shifted her gaze away back to the pool. “You haven’t done anything wrong. If anything… the only one to blame for the loss of my children, all of them, is myself.” The woman heaved a sigh.

“...and I can’t blame them.”

She closed her eyes.

“I should have been a mother to them first. Worrying about a damn pack… worrying about so many things instead of the children I brought into the world. It was wrong. They weren’t ready to be separated from me… yet I was distant when they needed me most.” Besides her hurt… Philly was angry with herself.

“I watched one of my daughter’s die because of my fucking pride… Too stubborn to bow down and get help. Now I get to live with the fact that my own child suffered for my stupidity...” She opened her eyes again.

“My parents would be ashamed.” The woman shook her head.

“If any of them are still out there… I hope they are happier… safe…” Philomena looked at Pegasus again.

“...I’m lost, Pegasus. I don’t even know who I am anymore…” The woman had quieted, brow furrowed with frustration. “I’ve lost what should have mattered most…”