Lithium
His voice seemed to rouse her, keeping her from drifting off. Though he wouldn't admit it, he was worried about her. If Zell was anything, he was incredibly prideful and stubborn. It was hard for him to show anything other than a firm hand. That was how he showed he cared. Being hard on others. Though he knew that not everyone saw it that way...after the loss of his family. His mother, his father, his littermates...he had grown a stony exterior. And then after Faite abandoned him and the kids, and one by one his own kids disappearing or growing distant...well, it was safe to say he didn't know how to handle all of that. Only recently he and Torin and Kairi had mended their relationships. But...he had left out Jewell. He wasn't sure whether that had been on purpose or not. More than likely he felt like things between them had been far too gone to be able to fix. He resented her for a long, long time. All because of Faite. And did Jewell deserve any of that? No. He knew she didn't. In fact, maybe if he had been there for her a lot sooner, she would have been able to make it. Maybe he could have kept her from making bad choices.
"My chest hurts..." His attention turned to her, the male sighing as he stepped closer. "Come into my den, please. I can help you in there," He would say again. He moved to help nudge her onto her feet, slowly walking by her side as she tried to make it to his den. Only she didn't quite make it, and instead she had only been able to make it a few short feet before collapsing at the entrance. Her voice was weak. Everything about her was frail and tired looking. He looked at her with sad blue eyes, the old man kicking himself for not making amends much, much sooner. But...it wasn't too late, was it? "Don't tell Torin..." He nodded at her request as he moved to her side, the old man uncharacteristically getting to his knees to lie down beside her. When he touched her, she felt cold. Her breathing was off, and she looked more unwell then he had ever seen her before. Despite her age, she looked like no more than a child all over again. "Ssshh, rest. I'm here," He tried to reassure her.
"Sorry da-Zell..." He felt his throat tighten. His heart squeeze. He held her gaze for as long as she was able. The pale man gently rested his head over her shoulders as he curled up against her in an effort to keep her warm. "It's alright, Jewell..." He murmured. He breathed in a heavy sigh, knowing she likely didn't have long anymore..."I'm...sorry, for the way I treated you over the years. I should have been there for you..." He felt his throat tightening with emotion as he spoke. The feeling threatening to choke him. "You didn't deserve the way I treated you...nothing I say or do will ever fix how I was towards you, and I am truly, truly sorry..." If there was one thing he could do for her...was what he was doing now in this moment. Being there when nobody else was. And..."Please forgive me, Jewell Valentine." Perhaps that last act wouldn't matter. Or maybe it would matter to her in her last moments. Despite his constant pushing her away, he clearly regretted it all...and the only way he thought to try and make up for it all, was here and now. Giving her his last name and making her a part of his family. Making her his daughter.
There was so much he wanted to say. Not just because he realized he had run out of time to say them, but because it had been long overdue. "I want you to know that it was never your fault...you were not at fault. I blamed you for so many things, but...it was unfair of me. No amount of apologies will undo the past, but I want you to know that...I love you like a daughter. You are my daughter...you always have been...I...I'm sorry that I failed you..." He closed his own eyes then.
Moments passed before it felt like the world had gone deathly quiet. He opened his eyes, and suddenly he felt like things had changed in the blink of an eye. He didn't move from his position around her, but...he knew she had stopped breathing. The lump in his throat swelled up and he found himself crying silent tears. He didn't know if she had heard any of what he said or if he had been far too late...he could feel like he lost a piece of him just now...and mentally, he hated himself for taking so long to try and make amends. And now...it was too late. She asked him not to tell Torin. He likely wouldn't because the chances of Torin finding them in the morning were far from slim. He would remain with her through the night. It was the last thing he could offer her... |
