wish i had a river i could skate away on
thalia
11-18-2019, 05:55 PM
Thalia hadn't expected an apology. Why was she apologizing? She had nothing to do with it. While some blamed their God, Thalia felt they only had themselves to blame. And while she knew she was merely expressing sympathy, it was hard to reconcile that notion with her own beliefs about why Malleus and Archon had perished. "Death is part of life," she replied slowly, matter-of-factly, though her measured tone said it all - that beneath her facade she, too, was struggling and was terrified to show even a glimpse of her pain. Her parents might be dead, or might not be, but the fact that they hadn't replied to Pyrrhic's call when she needed them most told her they must be. "We.. have to use it to move forward. To learn from." Was she merely repeating things that had been taught to her, reciting lines she'd heard from meetings in the past? Thalia really didn't know anymore, and it was hard to believe those things herself. She sighed at Theory's admission that everything had changed, and as soon as the sound left her lips and Theory started to answer her she realized tears were beginning to spill down her cheeks. Thalia didn't let her gaze stray for a moment, watching curious as the emotion built up in her voice as well as in her expression. "I'm sorry... too," she offered tentatively. It seemed they were suffering in similar ways, and all at once she felt guilty for thinking Theory wouldn't understand. Their God was a wrathful, angry God and she'd grown up being taught just that, and it seemed He had no qualms about who he took down when he was feeling vengeful. Even Theory and her family had suffered. Her instinct was to shy away from such a blatant display of emotion that suddenly seemed to overwhelm Theory. Emotion was something she thought of as weak, as lesser... a symptom of mortals, no doubt. But it was hard to not empathize with her, despite everything she believed. Already she'd envisioned what Malleus's death must have been lucked, and imagining her parents succumbing to a similar fate was unpleasant at best - and downright agonizing at worst. She realized then that she had furrowed her brows slightly, averting her gaze away from Theory. Her pain wasn't what made Thalia uncomfortable, but her reaction to it was what bothered her. She almost felt envious of the way she could let herself so openly feel, in a way Thalia wondered if she ever could. Even her own parents' departure hadn't made her cry, but instead left a grating hollowness deep in her chest. Slowly, almost against the force of her own body, she moved to sit near Theory as she fell silent. "What now?" She asked, after a moment. "I mean.. for you, and your pack," Thalia clarified quickly, as if her first question could be misconstrued, and in her head she sort of had been - wondering why things between her and Theory seemed so different now, and wondering why her grief was so difficult for her to process. |
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