Making Sure Her Silent Words Are Sincere

Days came and went as Philomena struggled to accept the new reality she found herself in. Spring brought her birth season… another year of life lived… but where she should have felt accomplishment, or even happiness, Philly felt a sense of dread. The blazing, hopeful light she had felt as a child was now but a smoldering ember and she didn’t know how she was going to rekindle the flame. The hope she had thought she found at Pegasus’ side… she had come to the conclusion it was all an illusion brought on by her own desperate desires to feel that things were going to be okay. He hadn’t loved her. He had felt badly for her at best… and so, in a way, she had seduced him she supposed. The thoughts made her stomach churn. She was no better than some harlot…

The woman was so, so lost. A shell of her former self… She had started with everything and lost it all, hadn’t she? No… She glanced down at the small bundle of fur snoozing near her side. Not everything. Not yet.

Seeing Meme brought a different sort of pain to light. Her daughter served as a reminder for the man Philly had loved, desperately wanted to see things change with, a reminder of her own lost family and the faintest glimmer of hope. Philomena would have lied, however, if she said she had expected to see Memento Mori survive. Somewhere, in the deepest, darkest corners of her heart Philomena was certain that one day she would bury this young one as well when she, too, was taken too soon.

Philomena pulled herself from Meme’s side. Dark thoughts like this were normal now… more-so when the woman was alone. She didn’t leave the den often and, if she did, it was only at her daughter’s insistence that she did so. Meme was holding her together… and Philomena would have been lying if she said she wasn’t terrified at the thought of moving forward now. Life seemed to constantly be testing what remained of her sanity… and Philly hated it. She hated feeling this low… but she wasn’t sure how to break the cycle of negativity she found herself in.

The woman left the den but knew she wouldn’t go far. Even when Meme was with Cel the only times she really strayed from the den was to relieve herself or get a drink at the falls. A heavy sigh passed her lips as she sat near the entrance of the den, well hidden and guarded thanks to Cel… that was another thing that pained her. He wasn’t her mate, hell, he had no reason to do everything he had done for her and Meme… but Philly was so grateful he had. Her little girl looked at Cel like a father too and Philomena hadn’t the heart to correct her. The little one looked so proud, felt so special, because she had two dads and her mom even if one of her parents weren't there.

It was still early… and Philomena supposed it would be a while yet before Meme actually awoke. She allowed her gaze to sweep the landscape once, noted that there was no immediate threat, and then let those blue hues fall to the earth. It was chilly… but Philly welcomed the cold.

At least she was still able to feel something.