cauterize my heart

"I SAID," he roared back while up on his toes and leaning forward into the shout, "A TRUE FUCKING ABRAXAS." Seething, he snapped, "Does 'true' mean something different to you, Aureus?" It was right about then that Aureus' own turmoil finally registered with Pyrrhic. His gaze hit the dirt and he fell silent, ashamed. He was shaking in anger and he wanted to leave. The young Emperor couldn't stand having his brothers' eyes on him.

He walked away but continued to listen as Eligos spoke. Eventually he looped back and stopped in roughly the place he'd started. Pyrrhic's jaw worked and he stared hard at the ground. "You're right. I'm sorry too. This last season has been..." At a loss for words he just shook his head. There had been nothing for him but struggle since that day on the mountain.

Pyrrhic's jaw worked as he looked up at Eligos. He wanted to say that no, he didn't want it, but how could he possibly admit that? This was what his dad had wanted, what everyone expected from him. How could he say no? How could he look at any of them? At the meeting it had taken everything he had to just offer the position to someone else and his grief had somehow managed to make it easier. "I..I don't know. No? Dad thought I could do it. So how..." his voice went soft. "How could I say no?" He'd spent a full year training for the position. How could all of that be for nothing? How could he have wasted his father's time? Guilt cemented his gaze to the ground again.