Thalia seemed uncomfortable with their closeness but she couldn't tell if it was personal fault or if she wasn't used to this kind of contact. Judging from her general stiffness, Theory cut herself some slack and decided it was the latter. They had overcome their childishness, right? Theo sure felt like an adult - the crushing weight of reality bore down on her every moment. She had figured that this was just the general malaise of being an adult. Rhyme's attitude lately was beginning to make a lot of sense. There was no going back from here. Instead, she took comfort in the physical connection she was making with Thalia. If she could force herself so far into the present moment that she forgot about the future or the past... well, that might be the balm her soul needed.
Taking full advantage of their proximity, Theory leaned more heavily into Thalia's shoulder and tentatively placed her head on top of hers. Their size difference was enough that all she had to do was look a bit over her own shoulder to do. Theo took a deep breath and held it in, counting how many times her own heart beat until she let the air slowly out of her lungs. This felt good. Being present was a relief. The past still niggled at the back of her mind but it was like a distant voice calling across a lake instead of a vicious breathing hot on the back of her neck. Was this how everyone got by? Maybe if she could steal just a little bit of happiness like this every day, she could get through the next year. And then what?
"Things are different now. I can't run even if I want to, I can't let my pack down. It'd just be pissing on my mother's memory." Shaye had trusted her to leader. In her darkest moments, that was all Theory clung to. No matter how bad or confusing things got, Shaye had looked at her and saw someone special and capable. Most days Theory felt like neither. "If your leader is anything like me, he's figuring things out as he goes. Maybe you should talk to him one on one - that might clarify some things," she offered. Spending quality time with her pack mates kept her sane. At its heart, Abaven was a family pack - she would be lost without them. She hoped that any of them would feel comfortable coming to her directly if they felt as lost as Thalia did. Not to say that she had any more answers than any other wolf, but perhaps they could figure it out together; that's what being a family was all about. "If we could run away just the two of us, where would you want to go?" Theory mused, trying to steer the conversation towards something more lighthearted. Back to the present and a lighter, hypothetical future. One where neither of them had any worries or responsibilities.
Fertile
