I deserve to let you go and build a better version of me on my own, somehow...

speech

Some days were better than others, some days his pain was a dull ache easy to ignore while he played with his adopted daughter. Somedays the pain threatened to take the ground out from under his paws, threatened to drive him into the earth under the weight of his grief. Today was one of those days, Célestin had pushed through as hard as he could but as the evening had fallen and he'd tucked Meme into bed, leaving her in the care of her mother he had known he had to get away.

He still hadn't told Philomena, maybe that hypocritical of him. He'd encouraged her to talk to him, to come to him when she needed it but he couldn't bring himself to confess the worst to her. That he'd thought that Pegasus had loved him too, that they'd been in the beggining stages of planning their lives together while she had been pregnant with Pegasus' child. That sometimes her daughter reminded him so much of her father that it broke his heart all over again.

Dipped paws carried him towards the land bridge, his heartbreak swelling in his chest as he walked, the tears spilling over before he had a chance to try and staunch their flow. He gazed across the landbridge and idly wondered how easy it would be to cross it again, to leave Meme and Philomena behind, to run from the pain their presence gave him. But what was waiting for him back in Boreas? The graves of his mother and sister? The lands he and Pegasus had lived in? The look of pity he'd have to face if he went back to his uncle or his sister? There wasn't happiness there either. At least here he had found a purpose, found the lost glimmers of sunshine in Memento that Pegasus had taken from him.

The rainbow man felt crushed the weight of his indecision. He fell onto his stomach, burying his face in his forelegs, desperate for his lover to find him and to remove all the pain he'd given him.