only birds can fly

Tamsyn felt completely unaware of the silence that hung around them in the beats after her story was finished. Her eyes were fixed on her paws with her ears folded back. In a way it had been therapeutic to pour her story out into the open for the kind woman to hear. It was almost as if she was hearing the story for the first time herself even though she had lived though it. Everything sounded different out loud in her own ears rather than just echoing in her own skull. Anger was a new reaction for her - anger toward her family for causing her this pain, anger at herself for being too broken to understand how to fix herself, anger at the path that life had given her. She wanted to be better, but she just didn’t know how.

At Zee’s apology Tamsyn lifted her eyes to find hers again, but she didn’t respond other than to give a small, appreciative nod. She didn’t really expect much of a response after everything that she just laid out in front of her so an apology was enough. Her ears lifted to listen as Zee continued, giving the woman the same attention that had been given to her while she told her story. ”...the thought that something is wrong with you, that this world would be better if you were not in it.” That is how she felt, wasn’t it? She had never seen any point or worth in her life so she couldn’t understand what impact or positive change she could possibly have by remaining alive. But her son... he was so young and had such a wonderful mother looking out for him. He had all the opportunity to get the help he needed and for that she was grateful. She hadn’t even met this pup, but she was so worried for him. She didn’t want anyone else to go though the feelings she felt.

Hearing how Zee had turned around the fate she had found herself in and how Tamsyn could supposedly do the same made her feel an odd mix of jealousy and doubt. To have that kind of certainty and drive felt so foreign to her. It was something she wanted and needed so badly, but it seemed so out of reach. She didn’t feel deserving of such a thing. The idea that this pack helped and trained broken wolves... it seemed too good to be true. Tamsyn kept waiting for the catch or the punch line, but it never came. It seemed so improbable that such a thing could exist considering the soul shattering life she had lived in her previous pack. But if Zee said it to be true... Tam was inclined to believe it.

Her gaze turned toward the dens for a moment when they were pointed out to her and she gave a small nod of understanding. She honestly hadn’t intended on accepting the invitation to stay the night when she first arrived, but after telling her story she felt completely drained and the idea of traveling any sort of distance right this moment seemed exhausting. She rose to her paws, but hesitated and remained standing in front of Zee for a moment longer. The light from the fire silhouetted a long shadow from her thin frame, the thick scar along her jaw standing out in the warm light since it emphasized  the difference between the pink scar tissue and her dark fur. It felt like she was at a cross road and she had to made a decision of which path to take.

“I’m glad you found me when you did,” she finally commented, letting the words fall out of her mouth before she had too much time to think them over. If she pondered it too much then she’d second guess herself. ”I don’t know if your son feels the same way yet, but he will some day. I hope that one day it’s just a distant bad memory for him that he hardly even thinks of. Just knowing someone cares does a world of difference so... you’re already helping more than you realize.” After another uncertain pause she continued, ”I’m not sure what I have to offer your pack in return, but... I’d like to stay if you’ll have me. Permanently, I mean.” Such a sudden decision about something that frightened her this much was incredibly out of character for her, but it felt right. It seemed like fate had put her here for whatever reason and she hoped that if she stayed the reason might become apparent sooner rather than later.