surely not today

Resin’s statement that her father had been in the wrong in his actions helped to confirm the thought that Tamsyn was trying to instill in herself that nothing she had done had deserved the reaction she had gotten. Her expression softened a bit with a grateful smile even though Resin may not quite understand why she would react to the simple statement in such a way. It was something that she needed to hear from someone other than herself and her new friend, if she could be presumptuous enough to call her that, gave her the confirmation she needed. When Resin settled on her stomach Tamsyn did the same, shifting onto her side and laying in the same way she had been before Resin approached her.

”I will teach you to protect yourself, if you’d like.” That was an offer that touched Tamsyn more than Resin could probably understand. The ebony woman’s eyes widened with surprise and it was all she could do to contain her excitement enough to just grin and wag her tail in response. Fighting had always seemed like a form of freedom in her eyes. All of the men in her old pack had been strong fighters and they were the ones that had been allowed to leave the pack lands and wander on their own freely. Tamsyn had been given none of that. ”I would love that... so, so much,” she replied while she continued to hold back the wave of excitement and emotion building in her chest.

Resin had her undivided attention now as she went on to explain a scar that Tamsyn hadn’t noticed at first - a large marking of scar tissue right across the larger woman’s throat and jaw. This one hit much closer to home for Tamsyn and made her expression grow much more solemn in response. There was no response that felt appropriate to say, so Tamsyn settled for shifting one of her paws closer to Resin’s to close the couple of inches of distance between them. Her paw brushed against the woman’s in a small, silent sign of support. Even though her own mother had not been willing to protect her, she had a deep respect for mothers that did try to do that for their children. It was one of the things that had immediately helped her gain trust in Zee and helped her make the decision to stay with the Armada. Now this story helped her see the same sort of moral strength in Resin.

Now that the baton had been passed back to her so to speak, Tamsyn pondered for a moment which scar to speak of next. There were dozens and dozens of scars scattered along the length of her leg, all of them similar in story. She did something that made her father or brothers mad and this was how they punished her. She could talk about the time she dared to briefly leave the pack lands unattended or the time she had tried to stand up to her father when he reprimanded her about something small... But all of the memories seemed to blend together into one blur of anger and fear. One of the few that really stood out in her mind as one that she was still actively trying to process and get over wasn’t on her leg at all. She turned her head so Resin could see the largest of her scars that wrapped the side of her neck and dipped down around the beginning of her throat, nearly matching the curve of her jaw. ”My father was furious that none of the males in our pack would take me as their mate and he took out his anger on me.” Tam’s eyes found Resin’s golden gaze again after a beat of silence. ”He was going to be responsible for me until he was finally able to give me away and I think he was just tired of dealing with me. But no one else wanted to deal with me either. Murder was out of the question in their religion so he did this and then banished me from their pack. I guess he had hoped I would die on my own so he wouldn’t have to directly kill me himself.”

She was quiet for a while after that, letting her gaze drift down to their paws. With her mind distracted by her own memories, she didn’t have a chance to fully think through what she was doing or second guess herself before she lifted one of her paws and rested it gently on top of Resin’s paw that was scattered with scars. She lightly traced them thoughtfully with her paw pads, feeling the smooth, raised skin curiously. When she spoke again her voice was quiet, almost speaking as if she wasn’t really aware that she was saying it aloud. ”I almost killed myself that night and have thought about it several times since then. I just always thought there was something wrong with me or I was broken in some way and he was trying to fix me. I thought I had deserved all of it and I just didn’t know how to be better.”