Because I knew you... I have been changed for good

Why.

It was the question he knew was coming from her eventually and yet, despite trying to prepare, Ganta flinched visibly as he met Roza’s gaze. His ears fell and a sigh passed his lips. As much as he wanted to look away from her, to tell her anything that wasn’t the truth, for the sake of sparing her heart, he knew that he could not. He could never lie to Roza.

That didn’t mean that telling her the truth was easy.

He swallowed hard, the heaviness in his chest weighing on him harsher than ever before. It felt as though his mouth was full of sand and the words didn’t want to form. He looked painfully pitiful for a former alpha. But here, tonight, he was no alpha. He was a lost lover… a man who dearly missed his wife, his children, and walked with the weight of decision every day that passed in his eternity.

“Pride.” At last something left him and Ganta’s pale eyes closed.

“I know I was an idiot… I pay the price even here.” His voice was quiet, pained.

“To have to look down from Somnium… to see you, Philly, and Ulric..” He opened his eyes, filled with sorrow, to meet her again. “To see what my choice has done to the three of you is more tortuous than anything I’ve ever had to endure.” He averted his gaze then to look at the ghostly images around them. The world looked like the Weeping Woods… but it was not their old home. It was hollow… empty.

“I wasn’t even able to truly spare everyone. Yale was taken. I died for… what?” He let out a weak chuckle. “Not a damned thing… A fool’s death, that’s what.” He let his gaze return to her.

“Roza… I love you with everything that I’ve ever had. That won’t change… not now, not ever… but…” He attempted to draw close again and lay his paw on hers if she’d let him.

“Please… if you find someone who can make you happy again… be with them. Let your heart love again.” Those words were like a dagger in his heart. “Goodness knows I don’t want to lose you… but if I do… then that too is my fault…” Tears had formed in eyes and he was trying very hard to keep his voice level with the lump in his throat.

“I love you so much… find your happiness again… for both of us...” He pleaded.