The Last Night
Death Thread
"You come to me with Scars on your wrist. You tell me this will be the last night Feeling like this." "I just came to say good bye Didn't want you to see me cry" "I'm fine"
The days kept passing, and each day he could feel his strength fading. The once hardened warrior was practically a shell of his former self, barely holding on for the sake of being there for his family. He had much to think about in the waning hours of the night and he knew dawn would be approaching soon. Most of his time since the eruption had been spent sleeping, and he felt bad he hadn't been able to spend much time with his grandkids. He felt ashamed of that, his lack of presence with them...while he tried, he couldn't keep his strength up anymore...
In the darkest hour of the night, Zell found himself walking across the valley towards Torin's den. He knew Kairi's was close to there to, his wayward daughter recently choosing to den close to her brother for comfort. She had been denning near him, but he urged her to be closer to her brother because he didn't want her to see him as much in his deteriorating state. The half-blind warrior moved at a slow pace, his heart pounding with the effort of walking. He himself had chosen to keep his den near the borders, but now he wondered if that had been a bad idea considering the effort it took trying to reach them now.
You'll spend alone Look me in the eyes So I know you know I'm everywhere You want me to be" He now wished he hadn't asked her to move. He wished he had asked both of his remaining kids to stay nearby...but of course, his pride had made that choice. He didn't want them to see him like this, but he felt the closer he got to the inevitable, he yearned for their presence. And because of his pride, he was now forcing himself to use the last of his strength to make it to them. Not wanting to feel so alone anymore. He'd been alone long enough...
"The last night You'll spend alone I'll wrap you in my arms And I won't let go I'm everything You need me to be" He wished he had been there more. He wished he had shown them more of the proper love they deserved. He had been so angry that Faite abandoned him, and his kids, and the pack, that he had pushed his anger onto his kids. All the arguments and resentment and pushing them away because he had felt hurt was so wrong, but he couldn't make himself stop for a long time. And when he finally had...when he finally let himself open up to Kairi and Torin, perhaps it had been too late. But even though some said late was better than never, he still regretted not trying sooner.
"Your parents say Everything is your fault But they don't know you like I know you They don't know you at all" Did he blame his kids for anything? He wasn't sure. The harder he thought about that, the more he felt unsure...did they think he did? It was likely...when Torin took the pack over, he knew he probably didn't show as much pride in that like he should have. He kept the fact that he was proud of him to himself, and Torin didn't know until well after when he finally told him. Despite everything, he didn't blame Torin or Kairi for anything. He was proud of how far his son had come...for being the leader that he turned out to be. He was proud of Kairi for all that she had achieved...for being the wolfess that she was. He was proud of both of them. But he couldn't help but wonder if Faite hadn't been proud of any of them...was that why she left? He wanted to tell them one last time how proud he was of them for overcoming everything that had been thrown their way...
I"'m so sick of when they say..." "It's just a phase you'll be ok You're fine" He tried for so long to let go of the anger that Faite had left him. And while he succeeded at last, it had been too little too late. Still, he was glad he had finally let it go, even if it had been years later. He didn't like to claim he was empathetic much, but after Jewel died and his kids needing him to be there, he had decided to let it all go. The old man was aware of things after that, more aware than he ever had been before. But at what cost? His time? His life? He had spent so long holding onto that anger...he didn't know much else beyond that until events unfolded and his kids still sought him out for his comfort and guidance.
His legs began to shake, his movement growing slower the more he walked. But he was determined to get there. Eventually, however, his movement slowed to a snail's pace, his shaking legs barely keeping up a limping hobble as he pressed on. The shadows of the night grew longer, the crickets hiding in the grasses the only songs he could hear along with the occasional bird call and his own labored breathing. But he was determined to press on.
He remembered when his children were pups...when they needed him and their mother for everything. He remembered them as they were growing up, full of life and curiosity, and not a worry in the world. He remembered them...happy, and jovial, and unburdened by anything. He remembered himself before he let the anger grab hold. When he was happy and full of life after meeting Faite. When his children were born. He remembered everything. "Torin...Kairi...I'm...sorry..." He breathed as their dens came into view at last.
His strength started to fade. He couldn't tell anymore if his vision was growing dark because he had expended the last of his strength, or if it was the shadows of the night dancing around him. He was breathing heavily. The old warrior feeling like each breath was getting slower. Shallower. He could see the outlines of their den and...his kids? He could see silhouettes...but it wasn't just two of them...there were five. All outlined by the stars, waiting for him. Standing in a semi-circle near the dens. He blinked a few times as he struggled to reach them, trying to comprehend what he thought he was seeing.
Then slowly, but surely...he realized. His family was waiting for him. The family he had lost on the way to Boreas. The family he couldn't save. The closer he got, the clearer they became. None of them looked ill or injured...they looked...whole. His mother and father stepped towards him, both smiling as they looked at him with love and pride. While he felt like he hadn't accomplished much since their passing, he had still come a long way...and they were here to take him home. He fell into their embrace the moment he reached them. He felt like all the weight had suddenly lifted off of his shoulders. All the pain seemed to melt away the moment he touched them...he wanted to tell them about his kids...but no words would leave his lips. Would Torin and Kairi forgive him for not being able to make it the last few steps? For not being able to call out to them? For not being able to make it to them in his last moments? He didn't know...but he couldn't fight anymore. The warm embrace of his family seeped into his bones, and he knew this was it. His eyes slipped closed and his body slumped to the ground as if he had fallen asleep in front of their dens. He wasn't in pain anymore...and he hoped they knew he had used the last of his strength trying to be there for them...
-exit via death- |
