Father and daughter
Mal
06-03-2020, 02:10 AM
"Yes." It was all she said, for several heartbeats, as they made their way down the coastline. The familiar panic was beginning to claw up the back of her throat, even in the safety of her father's presence. She bristled slightly. She didn't mean to. It was just... hard. A lump in her throat that willed her tongue to go still. But she would try, anyway.
"I've been... I've been having a lot of trouble focusing, lately," she admitted quietly. In truth, it was a bit of a deflection, but it was still a piece of her that she'd clung to, guarded fiercely. "I'm not sleeping very well, either." She paused then, slowly coming to a standstill, her gaze pointedly not meeting that of Sirius, as she looked out over into Deathbelle's pack. "I thought I was just... restless or something, still adjusting to the pack, maybe. But maybe it's this." Her old life that so often seemed to chase her into this new one. Her words sounded awfully, utterly helpless.
A small laugh escaped her. "Cairo actually said something that made me think. That we eventually have to... to work out what troubles us, to best serve our pack. But how am I supposed to do that? I..." She faltered again, closing her eyes as she inhaled, trying to steady her rising breath. "They're gone. They aren't coming back. What am I supposed to do with that, though?" What was she supposed to do with all these horrible feelings that welled up inside of her? It was suffocating, if she thought too much about it.
"I don't even blame myself for running that much, y'know? Yeah, I feel bad about it, but I wasn't even a yearling when I left." She shrugged. "I just... I feel terrible, sometimes. About a lot of things. One thing I keep asking myself is... is why do I get to be here, and they, they don't?"
She wasn't crying, thankfully, but the misery was plain in her voice, the slump of her shoulders.
"I've been... I've been having a lot of trouble focusing, lately," she admitted quietly. In truth, it was a bit of a deflection, but it was still a piece of her that she'd clung to, guarded fiercely. "I'm not sleeping very well, either." She paused then, slowly coming to a standstill, her gaze pointedly not meeting that of Sirius, as she looked out over into Deathbelle's pack. "I thought I was just... restless or something, still adjusting to the pack, maybe. But maybe it's this." Her old life that so often seemed to chase her into this new one. Her words sounded awfully, utterly helpless.
A small laugh escaped her. "Cairo actually said something that made me think. That we eventually have to... to work out what troubles us, to best serve our pack. But how am I supposed to do that? I..." She faltered again, closing her eyes as she inhaled, trying to steady her rising breath. "They're gone. They aren't coming back. What am I supposed to do with that, though?" What was she supposed to do with all these horrible feelings that welled up inside of her? It was suffocating, if she thought too much about it.
"I don't even blame myself for running that much, y'know? Yeah, I feel bad about it, but I wasn't even a yearling when I left." She shrugged. "I just... I feel terrible, sometimes. About a lot of things. One thing I keep asking myself is... is why do I get to be here, and they, they don't?"
She wasn't crying, thankfully, but the misery was plain in her voice, the slump of her shoulders.