My feeble walls are closing in

“I’m sorry…“That you understand… It’s a blessing and a curse.” He looked at her as she spoke, waiting until she was done before he spoke himself. “All I’ve known for so long is fighting… I’m still learning what it is to be around others… without the need to make them bleed....and I hate it more… because I enjoy fighting… the rush… but this time… I don’t know…” He nodded in understanding, even as she looked away. He could understand that. There was a time he enjoyed fighting, and a time he had been forced to do things, even if he didn't want to do them. At one point though, he drew the line. Not many knew about his past, and the one who knew it all was dead. “The General over me would maim others for disobedience…” He breathed deeply and slowly let it out, keeping his gaze on her as he listened. He would remain calm despite his earlier anger and annoyance. He could feel those feelings slipping away, being replaced by understanding. He didn't want to pity her...by doing that, he'd have to pity himself, too. “I… I don’t think you are that type of King though…You… aren’t going to make me a slave because of this, are you?” He wasn't surprised to hear those words at this point, so he merely shook his head.

"I'm not going to make you a slave, no. To be honest, Bellamy, you and I have a lot more in common than you think. I see that now." He cleared his throat and shifted his seat, his gaze turning skyward as he gathered his thoughts. "I was born into a pack that sounded much like yours. We had to be the strongest and do what we were told or face punishment. Make no mistake, even the rules of our alpha and Apollyon didn't quell my natural sense of adventure and disobedience. I was a hot-headed little shit that got into a lot of trouble." He paused as he smirked and a grunt of laughter left him. "But even with my upbringing and the questionable morals...there was one thing I refused to do." His eyes suddenly grew darker and his head lowered, his teeth gritting as his expression turned serious. "I had a sister who was the competitive sort. The new Apollyon alpha didn't like it and changed the rules after the previous alpha died. Males were to fight and females were to learn to heal, that was it. They were seen as vessels to breed and not much more." At least, from what he remembered. It was so long ago he couldn't remember if they were expected to serve other purposes or not..."One day, my sister and I decided to interrupt the usual training after a few weeks of this new madness. We sparred each other, me and her. Dae, the alpha, watched quietly. And when my sister won, he was angry that she disobeyed the order of the pack and defied what she was meant for. He was a twisted, sick man...he demanded she show respect to the demons we believed in by offering her womb to them. And for my punishment for agreeing to spar with her? I was supposed to offer my own seed."

Some of his past was hazy, but the more he talked about it, the more it became clear again. "I refused to do it. Refused to rape my own sister. And I suffered the punishment. Dae attacked me, broke my leg, nearly killed me. But I didn't fight back. He then demanded my brother Elias do it or he'd kill me...our sister ran, and he gave chase. I never did see Alis again, but I know Elias followed through with the order." He cleared his throat, not really wanting to talk about it anymore. Not now, anyway. "I wasn't even a year old yet when this happened..."

"I can't say I'm perfect. I'm not a hero or the good guy many might think I am, though I have tried to change to try and reflect those qualities..." Like many, he was sure. "I have demons that I face each day. Decisions that I need to make. And others may question my decisions and make all the assumptions they wish about me. I have no doubts that Theory has already made her assumptions about me, but that's none of my concern. At this point, I'm not going to punish you for what you did. I strongly believe Theory has already decided to sever our alliance and likely already planned to regardless of the terms I offered."

He had said a lot, he was sure. But he wanted her to know she wasn't alone. That he understood and wasn't just saying he did. That he wasn't going to punish her or enslave her or anything she was possibly thinking. And somewhere along the lines of sitting here and talking to her and all the past times he'd been sitting around in thought, he didn't quite care what anyone thought of him anymore. Whether he was doing right or wrong. Those two things were always on a blurred line anyway...