I've got all these demons
Yurei
08-11-2020, 06:44 AM
He was gripped with the strange mix of panic and relief, of finally accomplishing a goal that he had long thought was unattainable. It was a goal he had never really wanted or desired, but one that had been implanted into his mind and one his inner self wouldn't let go of. His entire being was over loaded with emotions he couldn't decipher, pain he was barely able to register, and thoughts that couldn't quite form into full fledged sentences. His broken laughter faded into silence. He sat there next to the corpse of the bear he had over powered and the half-skinned caribou off to the side just a short distance away. The clearing looked like a war zone, but he couldn't make himself move. It felt like something was gripping him by the back of the neck and forcing him to sit still and stare at what he had done. He heard a voice, but it felt so far away. His gaze shifted to look at the intruder from the corner of his eye and it felt like everything shattered around him. Yurei. His eyes widened with shock and everything came rushing at him all at once. The pain from his wounds, the shame from letting her see him like this, the frustration with himself for letting himself break like this again. It was yet another relapse, yet another time that he had to have someone save him from himself. He was weak and he hated himself for it. He looked away from her as she began to do her work, shame written clearly across his face. He wasn’t guilty for what he did necessarily, but letting himself succumb to his demons and break under their pressure this badly was something that he thought he had moved past. Somehow it just kept getting worse as soon as he thought it had begun to get better. ”Damn it...” he cursed quietly under his breath, his voice tired and hoarse from the exertion he had put himself through. He held still as she began to examine his wounds, but all he wanted to do was storm off so he wouldn’t have to face her and explain what had gone wrong. His chance to explain his problems on his own terms had been taken away from him. ”I hear voices in my head,” he began to explain bluntly. He still couldn’t force himself to look at her so instead he just looked off into the distance as he spoke. ”It runs in my family... The voices just... they just poke and prod at every little thing and they criticize and they blame until I do what they want until they break me.” By now his shoulders had begun to shake slightly again purely from his own anger at himself. ”I knew better! But they still just... screamed!” His tone was seething with anger - not towards her, but at himself and the things he couldn't seem to control. He grit his teeth as she began to clean his wounds, stopping the tirade of furious words that continued to tumble from his lips. His two toned eyes fell to the bear in front of him again and his ears flicked. There had been no reason for him to fight it, let alone kill it. He probably would have been able to chase it off or just warn it to stay away until he was done, but that wouldn't have satisfied them. "I'm sorry..." he added after a moment of silence, letting himself steel a small glance toward her from the corner of his vision. "I never wanted you to see me like... like this." |