I've got all these demons
Yurei
08-14-2020, 05:39 PM
The sting of Yurei applying the herbs she had prepared to his wounds was comforting in a strange way. The slight discomfort it brought wasn't much in comparison to the wounds themselves, but in a way it did provide a distraction that pulled him away from his own tormenting thoughts. He continued to seethe with his own self loathing and his disappointment in himself. He already felt lost and angry with himself before Yurei appeared at his side, but now that the wolf that he had sworn to protect had a prime example of his flaws he felt like he could only be angry with himself for letting himself get to this point. If he had just been able to keep himself in check then she never would have had to see him like this. Now he would always know that she had seen him cut up and bloodied from what was essentially his own doing. When she began to speak he turned his head just enough to be able to watch her. Confusion crossed his features as he listened to her express how she would support him, how he would see her worst sides, how she wanted to help... Her words felt wrong. He couldn't comprehend how she could see him like this and still want to be near him and help him. He would never down play the about of trauma and hurt she had been through and he knew she indeed did have her own demons she would need to work through, but what he had and what he had done was on a completely different plane. There was no cure for him, there was no good solution. There were things he could do to lesson his symptoms and perhaps make things easier on himself, but he couldn't hope that one day he would see the other side of this. He felt like he was essentially plaguing her with a life time of worrying whether he would remain stable or not. She went back to work treating his wounds and for a while he was simply quiet while he watched her do what she was talented at. Watching her work was soothing and numbing and the sent of the herbs she used was comforting. The anger he felt began to dissipate and in its wake he was so mentally and physically exhausted. "I don't deserve you," he told her softly as she finished up whatever it was she felt was necessary to patch him up. He realized there was a bit of an echo of the words she had told him when they first met, but it was a statement he fully believed. They had crossed paths purely by chance, but it was beginning to feel a bit more like fate. It was going to take time before he felt like he could fully let himself be cared for by her. There was no way around that. He wanted to be the protector and the provider - he never wanted to feel like he needed anyone in return. It didn't seem like there was any way around that though, he was going to have to have someone who would remind him of the good that he could be. Once she was finished with her work he let himself tip his head down till he could lean his cheek against hers and let his eyes close for a long moment. He wasn't sure what to say, but just feeling her there and letting her scent fill his nose was enough. He nuzzled into her neck and let himself get lost in the thick fur around her neck. It didn't seem to matter that he had only known her for a few days. In his mind she was his. It felt too early for him to say such a thing out loud, but he could already feel himself growing increasingly attached and protective of her. He wanted her to be his and no one else's. There was no if in that thought, only a when. Casso lifted his head from her after a few moments and let his eyes find hers again. He still didn't know how to process how her eyes made him feel. All he knew was he was always so enamored by them. "If there is any good to be taken from this its that we'll have a very plush bear pelt to sleep on now," he offered as he attempted to pull a small smile onto his lips. It was difficult with the emotions he was still attempting to stamp down and bury, but he refused to worry her any more for one day. "I'll just need to get it skinned and bring it back to the ship. The caribou too - that's perfectly good meat for the pack." His gaze shifted to the kills he had made and the thought of trying to get them back to the pack lands felt like an incredibly daunting task. Perhaps he could talk his brother into helping him retrieve them. |
