Scared of myself

*Rhona* · 09-12-2020, 10:16 PM

She finished a little at his sudden demand that she get her head up, but she still followed his instruction and tried to match his stance the best she could. The irritation in his tone was pretty easy to pick up on and she understood it a bit more when he spoke of being a wolf of the Armada and being proud of it, but that tone and the more serious, cold one he took when he continued to speak still tugged at her internal fears. It wasn't entirely unlike the tone the men of her old band would get with her and the other women whenever they wouldn't do what they wanted right away so it still made her a bit concerned. She just reminded herself of what Sirius had told her when she joined about him breaking their nose if they hurt her. She had no reason to believe he wouldn't hold up to his word in that regard so she tried not to think too much about Naiche's frustration with her. In the end if he did anything she had someone to back her up so she really didn't have much of a reason to be worried.

"I'm Rhona," she replied, when he asked for her name. She agreed that Tamsyn probably had a reason for her to be here, but it probably not for a reason he would like or agree with if she was reading his demeanor correctly. She didn't remark on his statement, but the sting was still there from the fact that he had to rely on Tamsyn's word to assume that there was a reason she was there. She understood that she hadn't proven her worth yet, but she also hadn't had much opportunity to yet. Her eyes lifted slightly to the creature perched on Nauche's head and expression softened a bit when she looked at it curiously, a little smile even pulling at her lips when it waved. She had no idea what it was, but she thought it was adorable and certainly more friendly than this man was being.

When he began to lecture her about not going into the willows her amber eyes slipped back down to his. She was a bit relieved to hear that they were planning on going anyway so that she wouldn't have to go alone. It did make her ears flick with embarrassment and a bit of irritation when he mentioned how she smelled like fear. She was trying and she didn't know how to get that across. Everything felt so difficult. Even just being alone was a brand new experience for her and was something she had to adjust to. Having to figure out how to do things without someone else telling her to do them first was a huge hurtle on its own as well. She understood that he wanted her to be strong and live up to the "Armada" lifestyle, but... she just wasn't there yet.

She honestly didn't know how to answer his question of what she was good at or what experiences she's had. At this point she was so frustrated with him that she just wanted to snap something harsh at him in retort, but she'd never dared to do that before. The few times she'd spoken against her father or Osmond it had ended badly for her. But at the same time, it felt like the only way to get him to understand why she was timid and scared to leave the pack lands on her own. Fine, he wanted to know her experiences? She'd tell him. "Well, so far I've been the replacement mate for my older sister who starved herself to death to escape our life, was abused and raped by him pretty much every day since he claimed me, was brought to Boreas by him so that my father couldn't stop him from doing those things, and then watched Resin literally rip him to shreds when he attacked Tamsyn because she was his sister." By the time she finished she was seething with anger for the first time in her life. All of the pent up fear and frustration and anger came bubbling to the surface and Naiche was unfortunately the catalyst for it. "Now I'm here because I don't have anywhere else to go and I quite literally was never allowed to learn how to fight or hunt for myself so that I would continue to be dependent on the men I grew up with... So I'm sorry if I smell a bit like fear."

She spat out the last word at him and turned to storm off toward the willow trees, her ears pinned and tears welling up in her eyes as she tried to put a little bit of distance between herself and the wheat colored male for a moment so that she would calm her pounding heart and try to rein in her emotions.

"Speech"

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