Healer, Heal Thyself

Eyes look without seeing as Meadow moves around the outside of her hut. Paws knock things over, too lost in thought to know what she is doing. The small healer is so engrossed on her own inner turmoil that misses Askan’s approach. Body continues to move, automatic in all her responses until his voice cuts like a knife through her mind. She visibly jumps when he tells her it is not her fault, round, wild eyes turning to see who the intruder is. Body clearly shaking, blood pounding in her ears, Meadow tries to focus her eyes to see the wolf before. Her fight or flight response is in over drive and it takes all her willpower to stop her paws from carrying her away.

Finally, after what seems like forever, her mind registers that Askan is the wolf that has come to see her. Muscles are still taut, ready to flee at any given moment but she tries to school her features into something resembling calm and collected. The familiar mask slipping easily into place but there are cracks in it. Meadow has a hard time looking Askan in the eye and she looks everywhere but his face as she says, “Oh… uh… yeah. I know.” Shaky smile appears on her lips as she moves to pick up some jars she had knocked over. When had that happened?

Feigning being busy, Meadow partially hopes that he will leave to allow her to wallow in her misery but mentally she is screaming at him not to. Shaky voice finally says, “It… is just… difficult. All my life I have tried to help others. Because of something I did…” voice trails off as the scene plays out in her head again, the crack of his head against stone causing her to wince and shrink into herself. Tail tucks, head pulls into her chest and ears drop against her skull. Panic swells in her chest as her breathing becomes shallow and rapid. She is hyperventilating and dealing with a horrible anxiety attack. Eyes slam shut as she tries to push the world away, wanting nothing more than to disappear.

How could she have let this happen?



"Speech!"

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