Again again again
Naiche
10-02-2020, 09:34 AM
In the moment when she had looked away from him in her own embarrassment and shame, she barely noticed his form darting toward hers again and only saw the moment out of the corner of her eye at the last second. She instinctively ducked down out of the way, feeling his teeth brush her fur, but they at least didn’t fully connect this time. This wasn’t how she had wanted it to go. She thought she was ready, especially since her spar with Aslatiel hadn’t made her react this way, but he had pulled a completely different reaction from her - one she hadn’t been prepared for. She watched as he shifted away and settled on his haunches and she followed suit, leaving a decent bit of space between them for her own peace of mind. Her eyes were fixed on the ground when he spoke, unable to shake the frustration and fear she felt. It wasn’t even directed toward him - it was all internalized toward herself. Her own instincts and reactions had gotten the best of her… All of the unaddressed trauma and doubt came blazing to the surface before she could do anything about it. "I know,” she replied in a short, aggravated comment before hearing the frustration in her own voice and sighing, her ears folding back. She still couldn’t look at him, but she at least appreciate that his comments felt more like feedback and less like an attack and she didn’t want him to feel like she didn’t notice. ”I'm sorry, it’s not you, I just…” She hesitated uncertainly, wondering if Naiche was really the right outlet for her to express her fears to. He was the only one around so she wasn’t sure if she had much of a choice, but she decided to just get it out in the open while it was still fresh on her mind instead of letting herself bury it down under her emotions again. ”The feeling of your bite reminded me too much of when my former mate would attack me,” she explained softly, her claws digging into the sand under her feet. ”It just put me back in that place and I… I just shut down, so… I’m sorry.” |
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