Dead Weight! [leaving fireside]

It’d been a about a week since returning from the swamp, give or take a few days due to the fact that it was getting increasingly difficult to tell the time. Was it night or was it just cloudy? Morning or noon? Every minute seemed to last centuries, every passing day felt like a lifetime. The amount of events and conversations that happened within the space of that week didn’t help with her disillusion. It was as if she had materialised right their and then, like before dragging herself out of the muck she simply hadn’t existed. She was grateful for every minute set aside for her benefit, but it only drove her to her current conclusion: She needed to leave.

She didn’t know where exactly she’d run away to, only a loose, half formed idea that she’d follow to the ends of the the earth regardless. She couldn’t just sit there and watch, not literally of course, people stress and worry over her needs and health. There were simply better things to do, and no amount of pleading would drive their attention from her. She wasn’t going to be fireside’s burden.

There was another, more selfish reason behind the split. It was the same reason she didn’t roam the pack lands one last time, or sit in the orchard for a couple more hours before heading to the border. It wasn’t the same, and at this rate it’d probably never be the same. No matter how much time spent here it wouldn’t bring back the familiar, the comforting. Better to leave forever rather than watch as pleasant memories are corrupted by her ailment as well.

It wasn’t an easy decision, but in her eyes it was necessary. As she rose her head in a call for the alpha, the feeling of shame settling in deeper. She’d failed her community for the second time that year, and she held back the dam that threatened to burst. She’d stop herself from breaking again, she owed them at least that much.