If You Only Knew

Alastor · 12-05-2020, 04:38 PM

The cooler nights of the northern autumn were bitter cold compared to anywhere else in Boreas. It wasn't uncommon for the grasses beneath heavy paws to crunch like shards of glass as frost formed across the foliage. The sky above was clear and bright, a blanket of dark indigo studded with silver stars and a glowing moon. The silver light silhouetted the large, hulking form of the dark-furred dire wolf as he slunk silently out of the tree den he shared with Lurid and Kichi, peering back at their sleeping forms in the darkness. A small smile touched the brute's lips before he slunk out of the warm den and into the cold, still night. He needed to get away from them, to be alone with his thoughts for a few moments. Ever since his encounter with... whatever that thing had been in the cave weeks ago, Alastor had been suffering through more and more sleepless nights, the creature's words weighing heavily on his troubled mind. Since then, he had kept himself occupied through the days by tending to the injured Lurid and taking care of Kichi, a full time job in its own right, and didn't have any downtime to dwell on his experience. But the nights were different. Alone in a quiet, dark world, all Alastor was left with were the thoughts, the memories, and the worries.

Now you will give birth to a little monster like yourself...

Those damned words buzzed around his brain like those fucking bugs had in that hellish cave. What did that even mean?! Was the bug creature just trying to fuck with his head, or had he actually hexed the man in some manner? The fact that he would never know drove Alastor mad and made him want to lash out in anger at... well, everything. He felt dirty, tainted by something beyond his control. All he had ever had to look forward to in life was now possibly twisted and warped in some horrific way. What did it mean?! Alastor stopped just outside the den's entrance, not wanting to wander too far from where Lurid and Kichi were sleeping, gods forbid someone or something came in when he was gone. He still had a duty to protect them, after all.

Alone with nothing but his dread and heartache, Alastor sat back on his haunches, his bushy tail curling to wrap around his paws while he stared up at the starry heavens above. How was he ever going to tell Lurid about this? How could he be expected to fulfill his vows to her now that he was fouled with such an obscure curse? He could never allow her to birth his children not knowing what might come next. What if they killed her in childbirth, or harmed her in some other manner? What if they grew to be far more demented than even he was? How could he choose who to defend and who to fight when it was between his mate and his child? Of course, Alastor knew what one solution could be... but the thought made his stomach turn. He was a monster, and he would not deny that, but he was not that monstrous. Those were his own children, for gods' sake! The very thought of having to murder one of them... Alastor bared his teeth in a silent growl, wishing with all his might that the earth would just open up and swallow him whole, to end his misery and prevent Lurid from ever being subjected to his curse. He wasn't good for her anymore. He wasn't fit to be her mate or to create the next generation of Amarix rulers. All he was good for now was to die.

"Speech" | Thoughts

Warning: Alastor is an explicitly mature character for violent and sexual content. Read his threads with caution.
As his mate, Manea may enter any of Alastor's threads not marked Private.
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