Twenty Questions
Fel ♡
12-21-2020, 04:07 AM
To his chagrin, Fel had appeared just as lifeless as she had been since she'd shown up at their doorstep. Azriel had been hoping that a change of scenery or the instigation of a challenge would spark some of the old fae back to life inside the hollow being that now dared to wear Fel's skin like a macabre suit. This was not his Fel. This was not the Fel that had haunted his thoughts and captured his attention. This was a pathetic excuse of a shade of the gorgeous Abraxas woman. She stared out at the sea with empty, sunken eyes and only spoke in a few broken words. He had tried to do everything he could think of to spark some embers of her personality back, tossing lifeline after lifeline into the void in hopes of getting a tug back from her. His efforts had been in vain. Azriel now stared at the thinning wolf, able to see the outlines of hips and ribs beneath her coat. Her fur for that matter had not been kept up with her usual rituals, and was losing its luster. Fel had given up on herself.
Maybe he should too...
He was investing himself heavily into her, and for what? She was no one to him. He knew nothing about her, had no connection to her. It would be easier to cut ties now and run. His mind played through the scenarios in his head. He doubted she would put up any kind of attempt to stop him or follow him. She'd either lay down on the beach and wait out her clock, turn and head back to Aerie to go through the motions of a faux life, or just walk into the ocean and end everything here and now. He would have gained nothing and lost nothing but time. Fel Abraxas is no one to you... The words continued to echo in his head while he stared at her, a deep frown replacing the otherwise neutral expression he wore. His eyes darkened, betraying the sadness he felt in his heart for her. Fel Abraxas is no one to you... Her response to his challenge was glib, lacking any kind of energy. Perhaps she was hoping he'd kill her in their scuffle. In her current state, it would be easy to do so, accidentally or purposefully. Fel Abraxas is no one to you...
That wasn't good enough for him anymore. He didn't want Fel to be a nobody, an unknown face that appeared every fortnight to fuck him into a state of euphoria and dip off to her home again, someone to use and throw aside. He'd seen glimpses of what the real Fel was; that was what had kept him around. No other wolf had ever convinced him to abandon all of his plans so readily just for an opportunity to encounter them again. No other wolf had ever asked him to join their pack. Those weren't the traits of a nobody. "No." Azriel's words were spoken short and clear, the hard tone in his voice leaving no room for debate. He would not challenge her in this state, physically or mentally. "That is not what I want. It doesn't matter what I want anyway." The larger brute strode partway in front of Fel, coming to stop and sit on the sand beside her so both of them could face the ocean and just exist. He didn't say anything for a while after that, just letting the sound of the waves hitting the shore pass over them. Azriel scooped up a pawful of sand, letting the smooth black earth fall between his digits back to the ground.
"I realize you probably don't care about yourself or your wellbeing anymore. You're probably wishing it was you who had died instead so that you wouldn't have to deal with all this shit that comes after." He shrugged his shoulders and heaved a sigh. "And maybe you're right. Maybe you're wrong. The shitty thing about life is that you never get to know the what-ifs. You just get to pick up the pieces and try to pretend like they aren't cutting you every second you hold them." Silver eyes traced the shimmering waves out across the distance while a cool sea breeze rippled through his thick fur, tussling his coat in the wind. The air smelled heavily of salt, the scent burning the insides of his nostrils in a pleasant manner. "I thought that once, a long time ago... I wished I'd died and let someone else live instead. Things would've been a hell of a lot easier, that's for sure..." he said with a grim chuckle. Azriel didn't know if Fel was even listening to him, but whether she did or not didn't matter. He had nothing else to give to her, save for himself. If he couldn't get to even a glimpse of her true self, then Fel was truly lost to them. "I don't know what prompted you to invite me and Sibyl to Aerie... Perhaps it was a broken heart or you just wanted us around for a convenient fuck... but I like to pretend that perhaps if you can find something in me worth keeping alive, then maybe there's still hope for me yet."
Azriel finally let his eyes leave the scenery to look over at Fel, searching her face for any signs of life, of emotions, of... gods, any kind of reaction at this point. "No words I say can help the pain. Nothing can do that, sometimes not even time. I suppose I just needed you to know that there's at least one other wolf who understands what you're feeling. Maybe not exactly the same, but probably closer than you think..."
"Speech" | Thoughts
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