and the reason is you

Autumn here was incomparable to the one back… well, not home, not anymore. But as the leaves curled and floated to the ground in a variety of warm colors, she thought of the first autumn there and wondered if it was a sign. Reluctantly she walked away from the shore which for the time, she had made camp. Bad sensations lingered there and Nox found herself more and more curious as to what lay beyond. The promise of ripe lands led her south into a densely green plateau where water trickled over its heights. With the promise of discovery, she made the climb, taking in the breathtaking scenery. It was beautiful, to say the least, so beautiful that she almost forgot her troubles. Almost. She could only think of how much her daughters would’ve loved the place. She couldn’t speak so much for Eclipsie as she could for Astraea.  Perhaps her lost Nightingale jewel had found herself there at some point if she wasn’t dead that is. Nox didn't want to entertain that thought for long. Her heart withered in the prospect of it. There had to be some interesting plants or trinkets about that she could collect as gifts for when her children would finally return.

It was then that she noticed a strange yet familiar scent. Sightseeing turned into scent-seeking, as her consciousness deliberately sought out the fragrance. There were other scents too, water, greenery, carcasses, and something sweet? Although it was a mixture of blood and something else that drew her in initially. Something warm and comforting but also vaguely nostalgic. Cautiously she approached the source, quietly stepping into a hidden-hollow where everything became clear.

There the small figure of a woman slept soundly. She was of a striking combination of black, yellow, red, and orange. The markings on her paws and tail resembled flames, and the rest was of ebony with bits of color tossed in that looked like sparks floating upward into a night sky. Appearance alone was not what Nox found the most intriguing. Nestled into her breast were two smaller bodies, either suckling as their mother slept. The warm scent had been that of mothers-milk and the blood after-birth. Nox took a step back then, suddenly feeling that she had entered somewhere that she was not meant to be. Something stopped her, however, a deep and intense pain that wedged between her ribs. The longer she looked the more that pain turned to bitterness and even jealousy. That had once been her, with three beautiful pups pressed into her stomach. They had been so small then, so vulnerable and eager for life. Watching them grow had been agonizing yet bountiful. Nox knew not what became of them, though as any mother, she feared the worst. Those that she’d adopted had not survived the journey and she felt their losses all the same. That was why she felt such envy toward the woman.

All she could think about then was how easy it would have been to slaughter the mother as she slept and to take those pups as her own. Nox desperately wanted pups again but not like that. What remained of her morality urged her away from that path. Her eyes stung and her chest ached, but as a mother, she could not do that. Nox bit her lip harshly, so hard that she could taste blood. Tears of grief, as well as shame, welled from her sockets. She made a futile attempt to be silent, covering her mouth as she choked back a sob.