more than i imagined

Her breathing had quickened but she willed it to slow to a manageable speed. Hiding her grief was something she was used to, but it was still exhausting just the same, especially now as she tore those wounds back open. The death of her children was a wound that would never fully heal, but it was all she could do to keep it closed as long as possibly. The hurt was still raw and speaking of it to another wolf for the first time ever made it feel just as fresh again. For a long time she'd carried the guilt with her, as heavy as a lead weight; if it hadn't been for her actions they would not have been killed, but without the choices she'd made they wouldn't have been born at all. Over time the guilty had lessened but the pain had not.

She leaned a bit more heavily into his larger form, infinitely grateful for his support. 'I've never spoken to anyone about this," she admitted quietly. The fact that she could be this vulnerable to let him see her pain was a huge thing for her, even if they'd been together for quite a few seasons now. "And I don't want to forget them. It's just... hard. My memories of them are so few." They'd hardly existed long enough for them to even feel real before they'd been taken from her. Kirsi took a moment to contain herself again, heaving a quiet and shaky sigh as she leaned back slightly. There were tears gleaming in her eyes but she refused to let them fall.

"I do want a family," she admitted quietly. Would another shot at the family that had been taken from her help heal this lingering wound? Kirsi wasn't sure, but she was willing to try. "With you. You just have to promise me something." She lifted her gaze to meet his, her brows furrowed slightly as she felt a single tear spill down her cheek, against her wishes. "Promise me if we bring life into this world that you'll do anything to keep them safe. That you'll throw yourself blindly into danger's way to protect them, always. Even at the cost of your own life, or mine." She would do the same, without hesitation, if this was the path they chose together.