The Hope That I Have Left

Aranea surprised him with the immediacy of her answer as she spun toward him with a tear filled gaze, telling him that he was what she wanted. He blinked with surprise, his ears folding back against his head. He felt guilty for setting any of this in to motion, for causing her any kind of upset or pain, even if he also felt something for her in return. At least in his mind he was at fault for all of it, even if she had contributed in her own way with flirting and seduction. He should have been more careful, he should have waited until he was sure... Now here he was with a woman that he cared for and it tore him apart to see her cry like this, but fully committing himself to her didn't feel right yet either. He always felt like he should be the one to be responsible and to be the one that was strong - that's how he had always had to be around his mother and sister. This time he had failed. There was also the added confusion around why she would even want him so much out of all the possible options. He just didn't think highly enough of himself to think that he was worth this sort of heartache.

When Aranea asked him not to leave he thought he might crumple under the weight of his own guilt and the desperate desire to make things right. He wanted to respond right away, vow that he wouldn't leave her, scoop her up in his arms and hold her tight... But then he thought of Azariah. He thought of his children. Could he look her in the eye and promise that he would never leave her if his heart wasn't fully committed to her? He still didn't know what he'd do if Azariah ever returned. He wanted this relationship with Aranea, but things had moved so fast that he felt like he couldn't keep up. "I don't want to," he finally admitted, feeling like that was all he could say that was actually the truth. His voice caught on the emotion that was heavy in his throat, making his already deep voice rasp with unshed tears.

Walk | "Talk" | think