I need us more than I need me
Yurei
04-08-2021, 10:16 PM
Indescribable guilt filled him when he saw Yurei withdraw from him and immediately fall into the fearful, submissive stance that he had been working so hard to encourage her to abandon. Now he was the cause. "No, Yurei, no... It's not your fault..." he insisted as she apologized, fighting back his own tears of frustration - not at her, but at himself. "I didn't mean to, I..." He carefully moved toward her, attempting to gently reach his foreleg out around her shoulders to pull her in to him, so desperate to feel her close to him again and to know that he hadn't ruined the only good thing he had. He wouldn't blame her if she pulled away from him and didn't try to trap her against him, feeling like that would only make things worse. "I just... I didn't know it was you," he added softly. He had tried to share what his condition was like in the past, but he didn't know if he had ever really gotten the true extent of it across to her. It was so hard to explain or describe. One instant he was lost to the world and the next he felt like himself. "The demons and... my mother was fighting with them... I couldn't hear... I'm so sorry..." It sounded crazy even to himself and he was the one that lived with it. Every once in a while he would allow himself to believe that he was healing, that he was getting better, and then something like this would happen. He was just glad that he hadn't actually hurt her, but he knew a scare was bad enough. It made him worry about the possibility of it continuing to get worse and continuing to blind him from the world. He wanted to spend his life with Yurei, he wanted to have a family, he wanted to know that he could be around her and their children without risking their safety. He felt helpless and unable to stop his own thoughts from driving that blind anger no matter how much he tried to calm them. His ruby and sapphire gaze searched his mate's face, the deep guilt written on his expression as his ears remained pinned to his head. What could he do? He didn't want to give her up but he also didn't want to risk hurting her. |
