shoulder to shoulder
plague<3
04-24-2021, 01:10 PM
Even though he knew he would ultimately still attend the lessons just to show his support for his sisters and their children, it did at least comfort him a bit to know that there wouldn't be actual repercussions if he chose not to. When his sister questioned if he was feeling conflicted about their religion his ears flicked and he scoffed softly, though he couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze. Instead he kept his eyes on the stars above them while his mind continued to work and reel against itself. "It's gotten to the point where I spend more time in that conflict than I do actually finding any comfort or power in it," he told her after a few moments of silence, his voice quiet as he bared himself to her. He knew that she was the only one he could be this open with and let himself take advantage of this rare moment alone with her. The only other wolf that made him feel this comfortable was Void, but this wasn't a topic that he expected Void to understand. Venom was the only one that might be able to understand his concerns. "I don't want to just... disregard everything we were taught or disrespect our father, but..." A frown pulled at his lips and his brow creased with thought. "I was listening to what Toxicity was saying and I didn't connect to any of it. All I felt was worry and doubt." He sighed and finally allowed himself to bring his gaze to Venom's as that uncertainty sang through in his emerald gaze. "I don't want to dedicate my life to these gods I can't see... I want to dedicate it to you and our family and... and Void. The man I love." He had mentioned his love to her once before, but it was the first time that he had let himself tell her Void's name and when he mentioned the wolf that he hoped would one day be his husband he couldn't keep the faint glimmer of a smile from flickering across his face. No one could make him happier. "I already can't continue our bloodline - at least not in the way it is wished we would. I can't bring myself to put the gods above the wolves I care about. I... I can't convince myself that we're even descendants of a god. I don't feel any different from every other wolf I meet. If I am already doomed to 'fall from the ranks' and to not be able to 'ascend together' then... Why do I bother?" He pulled his gaze away from Venom's as he looked toward the ground, his jaw tense as he let all of the doubts he had been holding back go flooding out. "I barely even remember father," he added in a whisper, that fact paining him more than any of the others. It all had him feeling like he was adrift at sea just waiting for someone to throw him a life line. |
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