I hate to say this

Rudyard · 04-24-2021, 08:57 PM

Maybe the landscape didn’t matter to Art but Rudy felt the load on his shoulders a bit lighter when he wasn’t looking at the castle walls. Rudy stayed still and quiet as he listened to Art. His features aimed for calmness but there would be moments where hints of pain would show before being wiped away. Art was someone he should be able to share anything with, all his emotions, which included fears and beliefs.

“Art,” Rudy said gently, “Not all the healers need to work with mom. Sure, if there is no one else that takes priority then it’s a good thing to do.” His head lowering his eyes looked up into Rudy’s, “If anyone here knew a cure for a sickness they could have let the others treat the damage to mom’s face.” This was a fact and one that surely Artorias could see, right?

“I think you would do better to look outside the hallows instead of within. Maybe you should send out Corbin? He could ask around, right?” He wasn’t suggesting Art leave and hoping his brother didn’t decide to go off. Rudy didn’t want him leaving right now. “Who knows, maybe someone in the pack would be interested in going to visit an old friend elsewhere? I bet some have friends they could reach out to and see if they knew healers that might have more insight than ours?” There was a piece of hope for Art and a rough plan if he wanted to take it. If only Rudy could believe it would work. Still, proof to Artorias it wasn’t a thing he hadn’t considered.

Rudy exhaled slowly, “You know, mom is a fighter. She wouldn’t just give up and probably already checked on these things though. She’s got a lot more experience than us and seemed aware of what this sickness is already like it wasn’t new to her. Maybe something she had already fought to help others with?” This last part Rudy hadn’t thought of ahead of time but the words slipped out as talking seemed to whip up one thought after another. “You know, I imagine what would have happened if I got you killed when you came to save me. Also mom, when she had to save me from that elk herd. What if she had died? What if it was my fault?” Rudy’s heart ached more just thinking on it.

“So, then I imagined how mom felt. She had hurt someone she loved, she could and nearly did kill mom.” Rudy had made mistake, really a good number but some more serious than others. Rudy rarely made the same mistake twice though, he did remember the hard lessons. “Mom is fighting Art, she’s just not fighting for her. Mom’s fighting for us, she’s locking herself up as it’s the only way she knows to defeat the enemy. Should we try to save her? Sure but,” Rudy paused and put doubt aside to stare into Art’s face, “She’s already suffering. So we respect her wishes for her peace and for the pack. If we find a cure then we save her and things go back to normal. I wouldn’t want to be out of that cell either, not until I could know for certain I wouldn’t harm anyone I loved or anyone who was my responsibility. They come before me, and to mom we all come before her.” Another slow exhale, "you do need to be aware she still might die. Art, everyone dies at some point." Not a thing he'd ever before thought of until this but now it stared so blatantly in his face.

Rudy flickered a weak smile, “Why out here…” Rudy glanced back to the grass. “Art,” Rudy’s voice cracked suddenly, “I needed to breathe. I needed clarity and at home, I can’t. When I try,” Rudy felt the moistness around his eyes, [b]“I always thought between the two of us I had all the hope and bright futures. All I see in there is,” the sentence wasn’t finished. Rudy shook his head, “hell Art I’m terrified. I can’t show that to anyone else, I just can’t. So when I walk back in I’ll be confident. I’ll try and help others feel they can be confident. When we were small we could accept everything would work out because our moms were confident and made us feel they could protect us from anything. So now I’m going to look calm and confident so the kids can feel things will be ok. We have to look calm, no matter how much it hurts. Also out here cause, I wanted to be alone when I asked if you hated me now, for not arguing.
[/b]

"Rudyard"

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