Which is the Voice that I was Meant to Hear?

. . .


Lonley? He'd been lonely? Dang it. Now she did feel bad. But a part of herself was arguing against that - it was another reason that she shouldn't get attached right? Get too involved and you find yourself letting people down. Hurts them, and yourself. Better to just keep to her wandering on her own, maybe.

To tell the truth she almost had. She'd almost gone just picked up all her stakes and left. And she'd been having fun on her own. She'd felt like her usual carefree self again. She was young and beautiful and stronger than any wolf had any right to be. Why shouldn't she be out there knocking about in the wilds without a care? ...But the more she'd thought about things... the more she'd missed Amenti. Okay well, maybe not all of Amenti. But at least Newt, and ... Vioxes. More than she'd admitted to herself yet. Maybe that was why hearing he'd been lonely made her feel so bad. She'd been his companion for so long. She'd said she'd look after him. The others in the pack might have referred to him as her slave, but it wasn't like that. Not really. She didn't think of him as property she could just leave behind and come back to... and yet that was exactly what she'd done.

Blek. What a mess.

As the little male looked up at her, she rolled her eyes away towards the edge of the lake again. Towards the mirror. But it wasn't just her image there now. There were two wolves - both based in white, but one with markings the color of the sun, and the other with markings the color of the night sky. Vioxes was so short compared to her - a whole foot smaller, so that when they stood, his back was only about at her belly level. At first Champion had been tempted to see it as a reminder of how strange she was... but eventually she came to think of it as just plain cute. Champion had always said that if she ever actually liked a male, he'd have to be as big and tough as her, but the truth was, she'd already met plenty of big tough guys, and they were all jerks. Or serial killers. Or both. Vio was the only one she ever cared to hang around with. That meant something right?

"My wanderings?" mused Champion. "Gods they were great." It was an admission, and at it, she glanced Vioxes's way. Rather than look guilty or shy, she just sighed. In her voice that was a little too throaty and deep to be feminine she continued: "Maybe it's mean of me to say it, but it's true. I think I'm not meant to be a pack wolf. I did my job and I was pretty good, and it went pretty well. But at heart? I don't know; I like my freedom." It hurt at first coming out, but now... Why did it feel so good to tell talk to people? "I've been doing some real thinking about it. Maybe it was just too much responsibility too young. I mean, I did only turn two this past fall. How many other two year olds find themselves as Beta to a pack of assassins?" She shrugged her giant shoulders.

For a minute she was just looking out at the lake again. Staring at the dark, waterlogged tips of trees. They stuck out of the water like masts of sunken ships - just more grand dreams fallen to nothing. Wasn't it better to just be on your own? To see the world as an open book and you life as just a small story in it? Champion didn't need rank and power and destiny. She just needed happiness.

And for that... the price was to be totally honest.

"You know... while I was out there... I really only missed one thing." Champion slowly dragged her eyes back to the shore, and then down to the male. "I missed you."


. . .