The crack in my foundation

He was already shifting his eyes back to Zee. his girl, his sweet little Queen. The smell of burnt flesh - both his and Zee’s - was rich in the air. It would be so easy. He could just lie down beside her. Close his eyes, and let the heat take him. A little bit of a quick could stir up those dying embers. It could consume him, as it had her. Take him away so he could be with his Wife and heir.

There was a whining in his ears, a high pitched noise that echoed with the blood pounding through them. Already, he didn’t hear Tamsyn again, and then suddenly, she was there again. Shoving into him, pushing, smacking, desperately trying to move him. He blinked, almost lazily, bringing her back into focus.

He heard her then, saw the tears. If hit had been anybody else. If it had been anything else. But he understood then what she saw. She was witnessing Resin all over again. Witnessing him lose it.

With absolute honesty, a part of him contemplated for a moment. It let himself think what if? he could let that darkness overtake him. Let himself become exactly what she feared in that moment. Kill her, kill her and die beside those he loved.

That voice was so strong that it shocked him back to reality, and all at once he felt his burning paws, his burning side. He let out a hiss of pain, blinking rapidly, and seeing the hurt and pain Tamsyn was dealing with.
He regretting bringing her with him.

All at once, he let out an angry snarl, and let himself go loose. Her next shove pushed him and he stumbled, using that momentum to carry his sore paws to the side and out of the burnt patch of earth. He collapsed on the cooler path of earth. His paws hurting and itching, his eyes itched and hurt also, like cinders had gotten into them. Or was it tears? His face was wet.

He buried his head in the earth, his body was shaking, almost convulsing. No, no no. Tamsyn had forced him back to reality, forced him to face it instead of burying it beneath rage and nothingness.

He was crying.
“Why Tamsyn. Why. If she’s gone, why can’t I go with her? I’m a selfish fucking bastard. Let me be. I don’t want anything else. Only Zee. It was always only Zee.”

"Speech"