Take The Gun And Count To Three

Ulric laid awake, staring across his empty room as he had so many nights before. His mind had been too consistently overwhelmed to sleep until he was just too exhausted to stay awake any longer. Nearly every night since he had sent Aranea away he had done this and things in his life had steadily gotten more and more unstable since then. Discovering how hurt Emile was, seeing Jane begin to succumb to the darkness that plagued her siblings, watching Resin lose her mind, seeing Tamsyn suffer for it, figuring out how he was going to lead The Hallows when he could barely hold his own life together. In retrospect, he almost yearned for the days when his biggest problem had been whether he wanted to stay with Aranea or not. Those days had felt painful at the time, but now it just felt like a distant memory.

During the day he didn't think about Aranea, he was too wrapped up in more pressing matters and concerns, but at night, when he was laying here alone, he couldn't help but miss the way it felt to have her tucked against him. It had now been two full seasons since Azariah's disappearance, half of a year, and yet he still thought about her too. The memories of how she had felt in his arms were beginning to feel less distinct, faded. But he thought about her. The aching loneliness in his heart ate away at him slowly, but surely. But he refused to make the same mistake that he had made with Aranea. He refused to court anyone else, to bring anyone else into his bed. He had to think of his children, had to find someone that would be good for them. He was the Aegis now. He had to find someone that would be a good fit for the pack. His pack. Those words still felt wrong, though less wrong than they had before he held the meeting.

The sound of his door opening disrupted his spiraling train of thoughts, making his head pop up with surprise. At first he thought maybe it was one of his children coming to find him or maybe something with Resin so Tamsyn was coming to get him, but it was neither of those more rational, expected options. When the door closed again it was Aranea standing there with her back to him. He stared at her with disbelief for a long moment, not really comprehending that she was actually here. "Aranea? What... Why are you here?" he questioned as she came to his bed, trying to nose her way into his embrace. He knew that morning would bring the first true day of summer. He had secretly hoped that she would slip away and he could close the chapter on them more easily as she left to be with her children in Abaven, but clearly she wasn't content with that. The last time he had spoken to her she had been so angry at him, but now...

He tried to pull away from her, but his ears flicked uncertainly when her paw pulled on his shoulder with a plea. Please do this for her one last time. If this had been within in those first few days after he first broke it off his resolution would have been stronger. But so much had happened since then, so much that had worn him down and made the void in his life all the more apparent. Logically, he knew he shouldn't. Even in his heart he knew he shouldn't. But there were other parts of him, other needs, that longed for the opportunity and with how sleep deprived and lonely he was they were hard to ignore. After a long moment of tension he finally sighed heavily and lifted his foreleg to let her into his embrace. "You shouldn't be here," he told her softly, uncertainly, even as his forelegs held her tighter against him, filling that gap she and Azariah had left in his life.

Walk | "Talk" | think