This loss feels like a welcome home

Tamsyn bit the inside of her cheek harder when she felt him grab her paw, stopping her frenzy of trying to do anything other than talk to him about what she had said. The pain helped take the edge off of her self-induced panic, but it wasn't enough, especially not when she heard him saying her name in this gentle, calming way. She was supposed to be helping him, calming him. What had happened to that? She had let her dumb, dumb heart speak for her, the broken pieces wishing for some fanciful fairy tale. She stood there, unable to move with her paw captured under his, her skin crawling with embarrassment and hurt, tears burning her eyes, her head turned away from him, refusing to face him. She had ruined everything, she knew that with a certainty that couldn't be shaken.

Her ears flicked and her eyes squeezed as he told her about his fierce, platonic love for her. That had been enough for so long, why was now any different? She had allowed herself to bear her heart to him and now she wanted to take it all back. She wanted to just go back to how things were, she didn't want to remember how it felt to have his lips on hers. How it felt to have him holding her. She felt like an idiot, thinking that his frenzied, fear driven affection could have been anything more than an accident. Her face was hot under her dark fur and she dreaded having to look at him, but eventually she would have to. Because as much as it hurt to have to face him again after the fool she had been, she couldn't bear to think about cutting him out of her life entirely. That thought hurt far more than the rejection of something that could never have been in the first place. She just had to keep reminding herself that he would pick Zee every time. It was always only Zee.

She was quiet for several moments, just trying to work air into her lungs to steady herself and steel her nerves before she finally turned her head to look at him again. She couldn't lose her friend, not over something she never had to begin with. Quietly, she sank down to the floor beside him, her side against his, leaning her head into his shoulder. "It is enough," she said softly, still fighting a slight hitch in her voice from the tears that still hurt her eyes. "I'm sorry... I... I don't know what I..." she gave a frustrated sigh and closed her eyes. None of the words felt right. Everything felt like she would just make things worse. "Just... Just forget I said anything, please? Just... I shouldn't have said it. I don't want to think about it any more." She needed to be thinking about Resin. He should be thinking about Zee. She shouldn't be thinking about him kissing her.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"