This loss feels like a welcome home

Her chest squeezed tighter, painfully tight, knocking the air out of her lungs, when she saw how pained he looked when she pulled away. She wanted it to be more than his selfish, possessive tendencies shining through yet again, but it couldn't be. There was nothing left of him for her to have and she knew that. Now that her emotions had begun to calm and she had allowed logic to shine through, she knew that it couldn't be. But seeing him like this hurt her just as much as it hurt her to have him gently caress her face while his piercing blue eyes looked into hers as if she was the most precious thing in the world. She wished she had it in her to just lay there with him, allowing him to be possessive of her, pushing down her feelings and locking them away as she had so many times before. But she didn't have it in her. Not any more. She was too worn, too threadbare. Her heart was on her sleeve and she didn't know how to hide it again.

"I know you don't, that's the problem," she told him, more gently this time. "I'm going to have to draw them for us until you learn where they are. And that's okay. I just... I need this for myself." At least until she could wipe away the feeling of his lips on hers form her memory. At least until her feelings and emotions weren't so raw. "Maybe one day I can go back to how we used to be," she added softly, "But for now I need just a bit of space. Please." Not a lot. She wouldn't walk away from him, wouldn't leave him alone. But if he looked at her like that again, touched her like that again, she would break apart again and she wasn't sure she had the energy any more to put herself back together again.













"Tamsyn" | "Blue"