The Secrets That You Keep

As she raced up the stairs two or three at a time, hoisting herself up as fast as her healing body could bear. She just had to get as far away as possible, from Resin, from her children, from anyone else in the pack. Space was good. Space gave her relief. Space gave her a time alone to break down without someone questioning and worrying. She wouldn't have to hold back if she was alone, she wouldn't have to be strong. By the time she got up to the tower and threw the trap door open she had already began to cry, heaving gasps of air into her lungs from the mad dash to get up here. Space, she just needed space. She staggered over to the other side of the tower platform, sinking to her haunches with her back to the trap door, leaning her shoulder against the railing as she hung her head and finally gave herself over to absolutely everything that was making the guilt, fear, and panic grip at her lungs. Her panting turned into hiccups of breath while the sound of Resin's maddened laugh continued to ring in her ears.

She hadn't heard Artorias climb out of the trap door and didn't know he was there until she heard him call out to her. It made her gasp as if she had been shocked, but she didn't turn to face him right away. Without me, you have to be the pillar of strength. You have to set the example. Resin's voice, her Resin, filled her mind and she quickly rubbed away the tears on her cheeks, swallowing it all back, fighting to clear her thoughts and sniffling softly before she finally glanced over her shoulder at him. She forced a smile onto her lips at first, telling him, "Of course, darling! I'm okay!" But that was before she saw his face. The worry he wore told her that she had been found out, she hadn't moved fast enough, hadn't escaped his watchful gaze. Her smile faltered as she turned away from him again, not wanting him to see her face as her expression fell again, her head leaning into the brick beside her.

She hadn't been able to help Resin before it was too late. She had paid the price for that with the scars on her face. She hadn't had the strength to hold true to Resin when presented with the smallest temptation. She had paid the price for that with the haunting guilt that Resin had dealt. They couldn't even wait until we were dead. Now she had failed to be the strong pillar that Resin had made her promise to be, and now she was going to pay the price for that. She was going to have to look her son in the face and admit that she had failed, that she couldn't do it no matter how hard she had tried.

Tamsyn squeezed her eyes shut, another sob trembling her shoulders as she tried to bring herself back to some semblance of calm so that she could actually look at her son without breaking down entirely.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"