The Secrets That You Keep

Artorias was more than a bit perturbed by Tamsyn's strange reactions to his words, his comforts, hell even his presence. His mother kept shifting her weight, keeping her head low and eyes averted from his. In fact, other than that first glance she had cast him over her shoulder, she hadn't looked at him at all. It was as if she was ashamed of something, or guilty of something, and couldn't look him in the eye. But that was absurd. What would his mother have to be guilty or ashamed over? She had done nothing wrong as far as he could tell. So what could have happened to get her in such a state? It was beginning to worry the lad more and more, despite Tamsyn's sobs gradually starting to settle down again into shuddering sighs and congested sniffles.

Finally, Tamsyn explained that she had made a mistake. Artorias' brows creased with further befuddlement. She had made a mistake? What kind of mistake would do this to her? He continued to peer down at her with soft amber eyes, hoping she would eventually look up at him and explain. She never did. Instead, Tam asked if he remembered her explanation of what having a crush was like. Okay, that really didn't clarify anything, but yes, he did. His nose crinkled up at the thought, but pushed aside his adolescent repulsion for the sentiments to hear her out. "I do," he replied. Tamsyn then explained that she had found that feeling not once, but twice, in his mother Resin—and also in Sirius. The world seemed to come to a grinding halt like a record scratch. Wait... what?! His mom was crushing on Sirius? Artorias hoped that his mother would explain more, because his confusion wasn't getting any better, it was getting worse.

She elucidated the situation: she had started having feelings for Sirius long ago, but he was married to Zee. She never would have pursued anything with him. She just hid her feelings from him. Artorias' eyes darted back and forth, not really focusing on any one particular thing while his brain worked to try to make sense of these loose connections. It was possible to be crushing on more than one wolf at once?! He had thought one crush would be bad, but two...?!

The story continued. She had spent the day with Sirius after he had been patched up following the slaughter—he couldn't even call it a fight—to make sure he was okay. Art nodded; he had known that when he saw her when he visited the Warlord. She told him how she had spent the night there with him I the hospital bed. His nods slowed; ooookaaay, a little weird, but not that weird. Other wolves slept next to each other all the time. Sirius had a nightmare, he panicked and thought he hurt Tamsyn—and then he kissed her. Record scratch again. Artorias' body tensed up, going rigid while his brain scrambled to make sense of the words he'd just heard. Sirius... Kissed... My mom... Sirius kissed my mom... The normal aversion to anything romantic came back, but along with it came a twinge of upset and confusion. How could Sirius kiss his mom? She was mated to Resin! That wasn't right... right? Crushes didn't give you free rein to start kissing other wolves, right? That didn't make sense, otherwise what was the point of getting mated with and marrying other wolves?

His jaw locked up, tense with the conflicting emotions of confusion and upset, but he didn't act or say anything just yet. He had a feeling he didn't have the full story yet. Sure enough, Tamsyn admitted to telling Sirius that she loved him, even after all this time. Sirius had rejected her, and Tamsyn had felt so guilty that she told Resin. That sent an icicle straight through his heart; his mother had gone to see Resin and he still hadn't yet. Why was everyone else disobeying her requests and visiting when he wasn't? Fuck it, he'd go see her too! But that could come later. Right now, he focused all of his attention on his mother, watching while she still kept her gaze away from him out of humiliation. Resin was slipping more and more each day, that wasn't a surprise, but Art couldn't tell what Tam was more upset by: his dying mother, or her unrequited love with Sirius.

Artorias wasn't sure what to say first. He wanted to comfort his distraught mother, but he also still wanted to confront her for treating herself like something disposable and not caring for her own safety and health by pulling stunts like what she had with Sirius. And then there was that whole matter with Sirius to discuss too, because none of that made sense to him! He opted to go for the far kinder route first, and the boy tugged his smaller mother into another embrace, nuzzling the side of her head and cheek with his muzzle.

"I know, Mama, I want her back too..." he spoke, voice soft, doing his best not to let it crack and not let the sorrow seep out of his heart. "We have to stay strong together for her though. She gave us all she could to keep going, with or without her, and that's what we need to do right now. Weather the storm, just hold on until we're on the other side..." It wasn't the encouragement he wanted to give. He wanted to assure his heartbroken mother that they would find a cure, that Resin would be saved and come back to them good as new, but the boy knew how much of a pipe dream that was by now. Now came the less kind path. "Why did you let Sirius kiss you...?" his soft voice hardened for just a fraction of a second, some of that uncertainty manifesting itself as a guarded tone. "You and Mom are mates. He should know better. But... you didn't stop him...? You told him you loved him...?" It was all very confusing. There was a brief pause, then the harder hitting question that had been his first while listening to her story. "Do you love him more than Mom...?"


"Artorias" | Thoughts | "Corbin"