everything you touch turns to dust

He hadn’t even noticed that he’d disturbed her sleep, the thought never crossed his mind, selfishly. She didn’t resist his grasp however, and as he pulled her out of sleep she curled against his chest. She uttered his name sleepily, her dreamy innocence only further caused his chest to ache. She had been here waiting for him, only aware of the looming loss of his grandmother. After he had left her here so abruptly she still remained diligent, waiting the long days until this moment of his return. He held her, and he held her too much like Aslatiel. He was reminded further of the distance he was from her, and the poor substitute he was making of Duchess. His tired mind didn’t let him dwell on his folly, he wasn’t strong enough. He needed her, maybe more than she needed him.

Being together, finally, was supposed to make everything better but Indigo had only felt even worse when he tore himself apart from Aslatiel. He’d pulled himself in two again, but the hurt intensified. He hadn’t had Duchess for very long, they hardly knew one another in the larger scope of their lives. Still, she could sense the difference in him as he held her. She knew that he was carrying more than his usual share.

Indigo hadn’t realized it but tears began to fall from his blue eyes and he tried to blink them back even as they fell. So much had happened in those few short days away. ”My father found the bodies of my mother and one of my brothers.” He told her first, their loss was heavy on his heart. Especially the guilt and feeling of abandoning them in their last days. Mostly though, he felt the missing presence of Aslatiel. ”I didn’t want to leave my sister.” That was as close to the truth as he wished to skirt. He was secretive of the crippling love he had for Aslatiel, and scared that if he told her exactly what happened that Duchess would slip between his toes as well.