The Secrets That You Keep

Artorias didn't want to be angry with his mom. He didn't want to feel any of this negativity, this pain, this confusion, this helplessness that life had thrown at him all at once. In the span of a couple short weeks, he had seen his mother viciously maim his other mom, watched her metal statue degrade as she locked herself away, helped Tamsyn overcome the initial trauma, learned that his mother was going to perish, fought with his brother who was now missing and nowhere to be found, saw his injured mother run off with someone else and come back more grievously injured, learned that Briar had been attacked and almost murdered, nearly killed their close friend, and now this... It was all too much for the young boy to process and handle. He was trying so hard to be strong for everyone, to be that island in the turbulent sea for them, but every day was a test of his mettle and his stamina. He was exhausted, worn down, drained of everything he could give. This... This was just the straw that broke his back.

He finally allowed his gaze to turn back and find his mother's looking up at him. His face was forced into neutral, but his eyes betrayed all of the emotions roiling inside his heart. Tamsyn tried to explain the situation more to him, how she never would have initiated anything first, how she had been so emotionally worn down that she just gave in at a moment of weakness to feel anything other than pain and loss. He watched her struggle for words to try and convey how she felt, and ultimately failing. Artorias' ears drooped on top of his head. He didn't want to see his mother like this. He didn't want her to be sad and hurt. He wanted to see her happy, to see her smile and feel joy and peace, just like he remembered when he thought of her smiling face when she'd caught him riding a tortoise or sitting at the head table like he was a little alpha. It crushed him to see how beaten down she had become, and he just wanted to stand between her and all the hurt and take it away so she could at least smile again.

Tamsyn told him of Resin's split reactions to her confession, and how that had shown how fractured his sick mother had become. Artorias bit his lip to try and keep his emotions in line; now was not the time to lose control again. He had to stay in control for Tam, for his family, for the Hallows. "I just want you to be happy again, Mama..." he spoke in such a soft voice it was barely above a whisper, his gaze now dropping from hers to their paws. He felt terrible for being so hostile and accusatory towards her, but this conversation had to happen. "I just... I wish you didn't have to keep putting yourself in these situations to feel something..." Her running off across two continents while injured, pushing herself to her body's breaking points for Sirius' stupid fucking demands, running herself so ragged to the point that she was a ghost of her former self, losing control and giving in to those emotions with Sirius... It was like Tamsyn was on a destructive bender to kill herself, like she was no longer that radiant and strong wolf that had brought them into this world and raised them with all the grace and love of a saint.

"I wish you saw yourself the way we see you..." said Artorias, still not able to meet Tamsyn's mint-green eyes. "We all still need you, Mama, no matter how big we get... It's why it hurts to see you treat yourself like you're disposable when you're the most important wolf in our lives—in my life... You're our mom, and I don't wanna lose you too..." Tears began to well up in the corners of those fiery eyes. Artorias turned his head away even more, hoping that she wouldn't notice while he tried to hold himself together. But the next question weighing on his heart broke the dam regardless. "You're not gonna leave us behind, right...?" He choked on the words in his mouth. "If he told you he loved you... asked you to go back with him, back to the Armada... you wouldn't leave us... right...?"


"Artorias" | Thoughts | "Corbin"