Find your comforts

Tamsyn woke early that morning, tucked in Kane's arms, and realized with a start that she needed to get out of there quick before Gwynevere came to check on their patient. It was really a miracle that she hadn't gotten caught and at first she vowed to herself that it would be the one and only time she allowed herself to do anything like that. It had been a lapse in judgement, a slip in the shell she had built for herself, nothing more. But as she went about her day she found her mind back in that infirmary more and more, occasionally allowing herself to stop by for a casual visit, making sure Gwynevere was around before she went in. Something and someone to keep herself in check. With the exception of the night at the beach party she had never indulged in something like that and even that had only been at Resin's insistence that she experience the world before they settled down.

Although, if she was being fair to herself, she had come from a life of sheltered terror where anything sexual wasn't meant for pleasure, it was meant for procreation. After tearing herself away from that she had almost immediately begun to fall for Resin and had been happily mated to her for so long that any thoughts of that had never crossed her mind - at least not until that company and occasional pleasure she had grown accustomed to was unceremoniously ripped out of her paws. Perhaps the suddenness of it and the traumatic pain of it had made her feel that absence more, or perhaps that was just another excuse she gave herself to justify what she had done. Yes, it was several weeks after the attack that had taken Resin from her, but was that enough time? Was she allowed to count all of the days she had spent alone after Resin locked herself away? If she asked her children they would probably say no and that's where the biggest source of her guilt came from.

And yet, as evening began to sink toward night, she found her paws carrying her to the infirmary again. The thought of going back to that big, empty room alone made pain twist in her chest and she couldn't bring herself to do it. She considered going to Gwynevere's room and asking her daughter if she could stay there for the night, just to keep herself from being alone to see if that would help her alleviate some of that strain. But she knew that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted kind hazel eyes and gentle kisses and stories that shared in their pain and their experiences. She slipped into the infirmary hesitantly, easily spotting Kane in the low light created by the fireplace and the moonlight filtering in through long windows. She paced down the aisle to where he was laying, a soft smile pulling at her lips. "Hi," she said softly, her face flushing under dark fur. It was hard to look at him and not think of how it felt to be in his arms, listening to him tenderly explaining every last thing she could have wanted to know about how they would enjoy each other.

"Do you have everything you need? Has Gwynevere been taking good care of you?" she asked, mint eyes finding hazel.

Tamsyn Carpathius