Facing my choices

He looked at her with confusion when she asked him if he thought so little of her. He shook his head, telling her, "No... No, not at all." If anything he thought so little of himself that he didn't feel that he didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve this understanding and loyalty after everything he had done. Somehow she didn't seem to see it that way and that was something he just couldn't comprehend. She made it sound so simple. He had made a mistake before they met and that had no bearing on what they could be now. Was she not worried about the pups that might be in his life from this if they survived? Did that not deter her from wanting to be with him? He felt like damaged goods, like he could never be worth the affections of this beautiful, intelligent woman.

Yet that didn't seem to stop her from moving closer and resting her paw on his cheek, making his expression soften as he leaned his head into her touch. His chest squeezed at her kind words, his sad, tired silver eyes holding true to her gaze while he wrestled with his own self doubts and worries that he could never amount to being what she deserved. He wished he could see himself through her eyes. He wished he could have even a fraction of the ability to see things though this more logical lens the way she did so he could see things objectively instead of with his own tangled emotions.

Ulric lifted one of his paws to rest it over hers on his cheek, savoring her touch for a few more moments, some of the sorrow and doubt slowly fading from his expression the longer he took in her certain golden gaze. "I want to be worthy of this faith you have in me... For the rest of my days I only want to work toward being the man you deserve," he said softly, squeezing her paw gently before lifting it away from his cheek to bring it to his lips, kissing her paw tenderly. At every turn she amazed him and surprised him. She had done more for him in such a short amount of time, more than most wolves had ever done. Even with Azariah it felt like he was constantly looking after her, constantly guarding her, constantly giving his all for her and their children. He didn't feel like he had to do that for Eska. She stood on her own paws, was strong and independent in her own right, but was still so thoughtful and wise. He had never known a woman like her.

He certainly hadn't expected her to do more than perhaps give him a bit of sympathy at the realization that he would have to break the news to his children. The fact that she even offered to be with him with he told them at all was above and beyond what he ever expected from her and it warmed his heart to know that she wanted to meet them. His children meant the world to him and had a permanent place in his heart, but Eska was slowly building a home there as well. Ulric returned the soft kiss she gave him, the small affection helping center him and bring his attention back to her once more.

"You aren't alone. Not in anything." Emotion began to strangle him at that, feeling as if Eska could see into his soul. Since he was a pup, ever since his father was killed, he had always felt alone in some form or fashion. It was where most of his doubt and fears stemmed from. The feeling that the ones he loved could constantly slip away, that he would suddenly be left alone again, that there was something wrong with him or what he was doing to cause it. His eyes never left hers, even as tears began to pool in his silver gaze. He shook his head slightly at her statement about the possibility of him wanting to be alone. No, that was the very last thing he wanted.

He had done his very best to keep some sort of boundary while they got to know each other and continued to take things slow - as he had requested - but in that moment with his emotions running so high he wanted to disregard at least some of those boundaries for just a moment. Words failed him. He couldn't possibly express how thankful he was that she was here and that she had somehow managed to see something in him that was worthy of her time and attention. Unless she stopped him, he would reach one large foreleg around her back, pulling her tight against him while his other oversized forepaw gently cupped her cheek, holding her face carefully as if she was the most precious, wonderful jewel imaginable.

Silver eyes met gold with an adoration that no words could ever express before he brought his lips to hers, squeezing her a little tighter to him as he kissed her deeply and passionately, his eyes disappearing behind his eyelids. A quiet rumble in his chest spoke to his desire that he had been trying to keep hidden away. Now was certainly not the right time to fully delve into that desire, but he allowed himself a taste to enjoy this woman that he was quickly growing far more attached to than he ever would have imagined. It went far beyond just a physical attraction. He appreciated her inside and out.

He eventually let their kiss break after savoring the feeling of his lips on hers and the taste of her tongue on his for several savoring moments, but he didn't pull away completely. He continued to hold her, gently nuzzling his cheek against hers. "A thank you isn't enough to express how grateful I am to have you in my life, but it's all I have right now so... thank you."

Ulric Adravendi