i met you in the dark

Segin’s heart skipped when Indigo pressed a kiss to the top of his head, making his face flush with warmth as his silver gaze glanced away shyly, though the grin that pulled at his lips gave away how much he enjoyed the affection. He enjoyed how tightly Indigo held him and he enjoyed how his smaller frame fit into his, allowing him to pretend that he could hide away against the larger man. He curled himself into Indigo’s body as his head settled over his own, pressing his face into plush violet fur once again. His heart felt like it might run away without him as he breathed in the scent that surrounded him. Perhaps he was coping, clinging to the only positive feelings he had felt in longer than he wanted to admit, but he couldn’t make himself care. He was happy and that was a rare, precious emotion for the smaller man.

The longer he laid there with this wonderful warmth seeping into his bones and filling his soul the more he just wanted to push out every ounce of darkness and sadness that nagged and ate at his heart. He didn’t want to ruin this moment where he could ignore that anything that had put him in this position had happened, he didn’t want to give his pain to this wonderful, kind man, but he didn’t know where else to put it. He only knew that it could no longer live in him. He needed to expel it from his system and be done with it so he could move on. So that he could be better for this man that had extended him a rope to pull himself out of his own hole.

He didn’t lift his head from Indigo’s chest, but he did at least turn his face away from his fur so that he could speak, leaning his cheek into him instead. He spoke loud enough to he heard over the rain, but only just. At first he was just quiet as he tried to figure out where he wanted to start, how much he wanted to share. He didn’t lift his head or try to look at Indigo’s kind face, he just leaned into him and stared at the wall of the cave as he spoke and forced himself to get it out of his mind and off of his heart.

“The woman that acted as my mother couldn’t have pups,” he explained, setting the stage and giving some context for the truths that would come. “My father… He loved her in his own way, but he had to have children. Refused to not live without them. So he found another woman, raped her, forced her to have his pups, and then murdered her.” As he spoke he was quiet, but there was little emotion to his voice, as if he was simply reciting off facts or something as benign as the weather. “He did that again and again and again… There was a lot of us pups all born from different mothers. To be fair to the woman that raised me, she was kind and did her best to take care of us, but she was spineless and wouldn’t try to stop him. She was afraid he would kill her or us if she tried to leave. Which was probably true.”

He sighed, letting his eyes close as he focused on the feeling of Indigo’s side pressed to his instead of picturing the things he was saying. “Then he started raping his daughters once they were old enough. I learned enough about herbs and healing to help take care of them in the aftermath. Treat the bites, heal the cuts, deliver the pups. During all of that I… I fell for one of my brothers. Cygnus.” For the first time in his whole story some emotion started to seep into his voice, his pain rearing its head again, his eyes squeezing tighter. “He was the only good to come out of any of it and… and our father caught us together. He freaked out, pulled Cygnus off of me, killed him, and raped me to make a point.” He swallowed past a lump in his throat, letting out a shaky sigh. “I… I snapped. I killed him while he was on top of me. When I went back to tell my mother and my siblings what had happened they all ran. They left me. So I started running. And running. And… And now I’m here.”