This Pain is My Doing

*Emersyn* · 05-30-2021, 10:25 PM

Em supposed she shouldn't have been surprised by the giant purple wolf's declaration that she didn't have to run and that he would stand and fight by her, especially not after the stunt he'd pulled down by the river a few days ago, yet somehow it still caught her off guard. Her paw stopped in his scruff, her body paralyzed by the intensity of his commitment to someone he didn't even know. Just from a quick glance into his eyes, she knew he was serious. He was also very foolhardy and stupid if he was. "I don't want you to stand and fight with me. Don't you get that?" she retorted, her voice turning harder, but there was an underlying softness of pleading for him. Just let me go and save yourself. "Wolves around me always end up dead. I don't want anyone else to die because of me. I'm not worth the trouble, I'm really not."

But then Indigo pointed out that if she kept running, she'd just wind up in the same situation she had been in down at the river. Emersyn turned her gaze down to the floor—and by proxy, her bandaged paw. She knew. She was painfully aware of how far she could get and what the only outcome of her situation was. But if she didn't run, then she put everyone near her at risk. Indy, Duchess, Segin, Gypsy... She didn't know any of them, but that didn't mean she didn't give a damn about their lives. They were innocent agents in her chaos. A weak chuckle shook Emersyn's body, her head shaking in disbelief. "How can you say all these things like you know me?" she asked, fixing him with duo-toned eyes. "You found me dying on the riverbank, you saved my life. But that doesn't make you responsible for me. You don't know anything about who I am or what I've done to be here. How can you act like you're sure I'm even worth all this?"

Did she want to run? No, of course not! Emersyn wanted to be free. She wanted to be able to wake up in the mornings and not have to start running right away, to be able to lie down to sleep and not dread being woken up by someone else's fangs in her throat. She didn't want to have to spend all her time worrying about if she'd be able to have enough time to eat a meal or which direction might buy her a little more time. But what was the alternative? Gamble with the lives of the wolves that had shown her the only shred of kindness she'd ever gotten in her life? How would she ever be able to look at her reflection if one of them was hurt or killed? No, it would be far better to take her chances on her own. She'd be stuck here for a few weeks until her paw was healed, and then she'd repay their kindness by keeping them safe from herself.

"Emersyn"

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