did you ever imagine

Her pace was slow, and she was struck by how long it had been since they had taken a walk together. From almost a daily occurrence to not once in the last year, Deathbelle felt all too strongly the loss of Sirius. She had suffered so much, but maybe the loss of his had torn her the worst. She didn’t feel the deep unending hole in her chest when she was around him anymore, maybe her mind and heart had finally moved on after so long being apart. Maybe she had finally become her own being just in time to feel like the world had come to its end. She convinced herself there was something to live for however flimsy her reasoning might be.

She had the errant thought that Sirius likely felt just like she did, like the world was too cruel to go on. Like what had been taken was just too much to live without. How many times had the thought crossed her mind just before she caught sight of one of her youngest children? Did they even need her? Recluse helped to raise them as much as she had, they would make it in the world without her.

Deathbelle mentally shook the thoughts from herself. She couldn’t think of ending her life with Sirius right beside her. He was mostly honest when he finally spoke again, a predictable answer with what he recently suffered, but he did look better than even she expected. ”Your secrets have always been safe with me.” She reminded him softly, not near the humorous tone he had taken but she was trying. ”Not as well as you,” she went on to answer him in turn. Maybe it was his massive support system, but Deathbelle could count on one paw how many wolves she could trust now and even less that deserved to hear the sorrow that plagued her. Her children didn’t need to be bothered by how heavy her heart had become. ”It’s so hard Sirius.” Could he guess the thoughts that swirled in her mind? Did she want to add more strife to his own struggles? ”Do you ever wonder what was the point of it all?”