The stars in your eyes

Emersyn listened to the sincerity in Segin's voice when he stated he was glad Indigo found her as well. He nuzzled into her neck, and although a small rise of anxiety made her heart speed up, it quickly passed and settled back to a steady rhythm. She had never let a brute touch her before now, her post-trauma stress and panic attacks preventing her from allowing anyone close to her, but with Segin things were different. She didn't feel the same anxiety having him close to her or touching her. He was so physically affectionate which was strange for her, but it didn't provoke the same volatile reactions others did. It just felt like it was part of him. Maybe because he really was no threat to her in any way, shape, or form. Even if Segin had wanted to do harm to her, she could snap the smaller, submissive male in half with ease. Maybe that was why he could touch her so freely and give her these shows of physical affection without Emersyn snapping at him.

Segin's comment that everyone deserved to feel loved and like they belong with someone drove a dagger through her heart the likes of which he'd never know. Her expression sank a little while she thought back on all the wolves in her life. Her owner, the other fighters, the slaves, the slave traders, her parents... Her own gods damned parents! No one had loved her. They only ever saw her as a burden or a commodity, something to be bought, sold, and used. She hadn't been worthy of love. But Segin, even if for a moment, made her feel like maybe she was. He gave her a smile, and she returned it with a sad one of her own. Did she feel like she belonged with Segin? Right now, yes, yes she did. Sitting beside the river in the warm sunshine with him showing her all the affection she had never had before felt nice...

The two wolves were quiet for some time after that. Then Segin asked the fateful question. Why was she being hunted like a dog. Em's eyes dipped down to look at him entwined around her legs, his paw running soothingly up and down her foreleg. Her heart wrenched and her throat tightened. She had supposed she would have to reveal her past to these wolves if she decided to stay, and since he was asking, there was no way to avoid it now. "I cost a very nasty wolf a lot of money," she explained in the most simple to-the-point terms she could. A heavy sigh passed her lips as she began her story at the beginning. "The long version is that I was sold into slavery by my parents as soon as I turned six months old. Not just me, but my siblings as well. Some were bought by wealthier wolves who wanted servants, one by a wolf who I'm fairly sure was a pedophile. I was bought by a wolf who owned a team of gladiators and pit fighters because I was the biggest of the bunch. His name is Matalar."

She swallowed hard and tried to keep her eyes focused on the flowing water, even as she stared through the void into the past through her memories. "I was trained every day after that until I was a year old. He was brutal and callous and nothing was ever good enough. I always had to be faster, stronger, smarter, meaner. The other pit fighters were just as hardened to the world because of him, so here I was, this little puppy given up by her family, all alone in a world that only wanted me to bleed." Em snorted her disgust and shook her head. "When I turned one, I was thrown into my first fight. It was a bloody one-on-one, and I either had to kill or be killed. I still remember feeling that wolf's blood all over me and staring at their body once it was done, and the crowd cheering the entire time. Matalar rewarded me for winning and getting him paid by giving me fresher meat for dinner that night and promised me more rewards the better I did. So I did. It's how I got to be the fighter I am. I got very good at combat. I've killed so many wolves for other wolves' entertainment, all for larger rations, softer beds and fur blankets, better equipment..."

"I quickly became Matalar's favorite fighter. 'His best investment' he called me. Looking back on it, I'm disgusted with myself for what I did..." Emersyn's lips curled up in a silent snarl as she reflected on who she had been. A whore for the entertainment of wolves she'd never meet or see again. How many lives had she cut short simply because it was expected of her? At the time, she hadn't seen anything wrong with it. It had been her way of surviving, the only thing she had in life. "The other fighters hated me for how much Matalar favored me. I didn't know it at the time though. I was the only female fighter, and I just kept to myself and didn't interact with any of the others. Then Matalar signed up for a major tournament, with a huge prize of gems and riches at the end. He signed up a team of six fighters, me and five of the others. We traveled to the coliseum, and on the night before our first fight..." She hesitated, the words catching in her throat and a look of anger and revilement and dread taking over her expression. "...they decided to cut me down to size and force me to fail..."

Emersyn didn't want to look at Segin and see the look in his eyes while she revealed the dark secret she hadn't spoken to anyone about—ever. "They spent almost all night taking turns... I tried to fight, but they beat me bloody and held me down. I begged, I cried, I screamed, but... they just laughed and told me it was what I deserved for being master's whore, that I needed to remember my place as a woman was to be beneath a man..." She spat the word out with such venom and self-loathing for herself. A tremor ran through her body, and no doubt Segin would feel it with how he was pressed against her. She squeezed her eyes shut, forcing back the angry tears. "Their plan worked though... When we were brought into the arena the next morning, I wasn't focusing on the fight. All I could think about was what they'd done... Hell, I still fucking smelled like them..." Em opened her eyes again, aqua-cobalt glaring with cold hatred. "What they didn't expect was when I started tearing into them in front of everyone. The other fighters didn't know what to do, the crowd was gasping and screaming as I ripped them apart, limb from limb, eviscerating them til they were unidentifiable as wolves. It felt so fucking good though..." She could still hear their screams, see the horror in their eyes, taste their blood in her mouth...

But as good as her revenge felt, it was what had led her to her predicament today. Exhaling a long, shaky breath, Emersyn tipped her head back toward the sun and took a few breaths to steady herself. "Matalar was furious with me, not only for losing him all the money, but for killing five of his best fighters. He said I was 'destroying his business ventures', the prick... I didn't give a damn at this point. I just wanted to run, run far away from everything and die. Unfortunately for me, I'm stupid and actually said as much to Matalr. So he gave me what I asked for... Late one night, he opened my cell and told the other fighters that whichever one hunted me down and killed me would get their freedom... Then he smiled at me and told me to run away and die, just like I wanted..." Emersyn let out another heavy sigh, then tipped her head down to look at Segin again, finally forcing herself to see the expression the smaller brute was wearing. Would he be disgusted with her too? Think she was weak and broken?

"Emersyn"