give me all your loving

Longing, it was bubbling inside her. Everything was fractured. The world had turned and grayed and all she could do was reach for something, anything. Her ears fell backwards as she walked in numbing sorrow. Plans would be set in motion but she still felt. She still needed, even if they didn?t see it, she had emotions and dreams and pain and needed strength just like they needed it from her. She was walking on auto polite. Her heart was in ribbons of red and grays and purples. Where the world had once been filled with promise it was filled with sadness and confusion. Her mind was failing, like it once had, and she needed something to push her back into reality and bring her back into the here and now.

A call, it filled her heart with pain. Where had she been hiding? She needed her. The longing was almost heart wrenching. She was her master, at the end of the day, and she wanted to do nothing but be with her. The smell of metal and old salt kissed her nose, a hint of the preserved past. She hadn?t found her way to the broken skeleton of what once had been life. It stood so forlornly and defiant against the ground that had swallowed its world and frozen it in time. She felt almost drawn to the oddity. Was this what she was? Frozen in motion like this? Her violet eyes scanned the weather worn metal and found the aroma of Zara lingering near its open mouth. Her tail flicked as her heart began to race. She wanted to run to her but she felt so guilty. Was it wrong to want comfort? Was it wrong that she wanted love again?

Kiaos, let Cerberus hold you close and bring you back to me. She prayed silently, she missed him dearly but he was gone. She couldn?t hold on to a memory. He wouldn?t come back even if Cerberus wished it for her. She took a deep breath and began to follow the aroma of Zara. All connecting thoughts of the vessel and herself were gone and all she wanted was to touch and be touched. She saw the woman only a few feet away, drank in her figure, and couldn?t help the sad smile that crept over her face. She loved her. Could she love more then one at a time? She knew it deep in her heart that she loved Zara and needed her, just as she had needed her before, they could fix this. They could do it together like they had always meant it to be.

She moved slowly towards her master. Her body swayed behind her as she pushed closer and closer. Her aroma was almost intoxicating and soon enough she was on the woman. Her gray violet coat pushed gently against that of Zaras warm brown. She pushed her head against the woman?s shoulder and allowed an aching sob to fill her mouth and pool into her. She could feel tears stinging her eyes and she didn?t care. Let her be vulnerable, let Zara see it all, she needed something and she knew Zara needed her just as badly. ?I wouldn?t survive if you weren?t here.? She whispered into her coat, her body shaking slightly with her pain. She felt her throat closing around her words but they needed to be said, ?I need you.? She barely managed to choke the words out. Her tail was dropped down with her feeling of defeat and her ears were glued to her skull. Tears leaked gently down her face as if trying to reassure her that her pain was allowed. ?I can?t do this, I can?t see those knowing eyes. See them look to me for tomorrows when I can?t even bear to breathe today. How did this happen? When did the world put faith in a broken soul? I just.. I can?t lose you too. If I lost you..? she felt her heart sink as she pulled a breathe of Zara into her lungs to savor her for a moment. As if she would crumble into dust at any minute. ?if.. if I lost you, I?d lose my heart completely and it scares me. Oh Cerberus help me but it scares me Zara. I love you; just as much as I loved him, and I cant handle losing you too. Please don?t leave me.? she said the last in such raw desperation that she almost thought Zara would run from her. That she would turn her back on her and leave her to fall into herself.


ooc: This post made me cry! Uge Newt is breaking my heart