Consolation Prize

If she was being honest, once she lost her fight against Avantika in the first round of the tournament there was a very real part of her that just wanted to abandon the festival and go back home. When Artorias' sister was declared the winner she had bowed out as gracefully as she could manage, giving the girl a dip of her head, before turning around to leave. The only thing that stood in her way was Artorias' warm, amber eyes and big, encouraging smile. Somehow that just hurt more and yet she still couldn't manage to tell him that she wasn't going to stay for the rest of the fights. His excitement was contagious and so she had stayed, sitting on the sidelines and watching him win fight after fight, till he got all the way to the finals. It finally took him facing off against the giant wolf that was Ulric's son Ezra for him to lose and really, at least from where Briar was sitting, it just looked like Ezra got in a lucky hit. Artorias' skill and talent was amazing... something that just dug salt into the wound.

She had pulled a smile onto her face though and given him a kiss as he walked out of the ring, congratulating him on a job well done, doing her very best to hide her own doubts and upset. She didn't want to ruin things for him and now she felt like she couldn't just leave him without him asking about it or making it a whole thing so she stayed. The food had been good and the wedding was beautiful, but her thoughts were all over the place the whole time. She'd return any affections or kisses he gave her and she sat dutifully at his side the whole time, hoping maybe he wouldn't notice. Of course, she should have known better than to think she could hide her emotions from him like that considering how well he knew her and how he seemed to be able to look right through any mask she put on, but she was too distracted by her own thoughts to really think of that.

After the festival and wedding were basically over, Artorias motioned for her to follow him and with a surprising amount of reluctance she went along with him. She never thought she'd not want to spend time alone with Artorias, but she managed. In all her efforts to just pretend everything was fine, she followed him down to the beach and they walked together along the moonlit sands until the sounds of the other wolves back at the festival faded into the background. Her turquoise gaze lingered on the sand in front of her paws as they walked until Artorias spoke, mentioning how happy Void and Plague had looked during their ceremony and the wonder of how his wedding might be one day. The thought caught her off guard enough to pull her out of her thoughts for a moment, bringing her gaze up to meet his.

She wanted to grin that goofy, lovey grin he often made her smile when he complimented her and when she thought about the wedding they might have, but she felt guilty. She had let her family down in the tournament, but that was just the latest in a line of losses. The one and only spar she had never won had been against Gossamer and she still wasn't convinced that her sister hadn't been going easy on her. She had failed at becoming a healer and no matter how much she trained she felt like she just never made any progress in her fighting. He was this fantastic fighter and so smart and kind. He was going to be the alpha of a pack. Ever since she started thinking about their life together and how she was going to need to lead with him and support him the way her mother had done with her father she had just piled more pressure on herself. She wanted to be worthy of standing with him - not just be there because he loved her.

His soft kiss made her ears flick uncertainly, but she returned it anyway, the affection feeling undeserved. Then, just what she had been trying to avoid, he asked her what was wrong. She almost tried to put a smile on, almost tried to ask him what he meant as if everything was perfectly fine, but she couldn't force herself to do that. Her soft, forced smile faded and she looked away from him, fixing her gaze on the sands again. She didn't even know where to begin and even if she did explain how she was feeling she knew he'd just insist that didn't matter, that she was good enough, all of the sweet things she had come to expect from him.

Briar sighed, her ears folding back against her head. "Artorias, you're... you're going to make a great alpha one day. I just... I don't know if I'm a good fit to be with you when you do that. I've never won any fights. I've been bad at everything I done. You deserve someone that can lead with you and not... be a burden." She turned away from him then, starting to walk down the beach toward the Armada's territory. It hurt too much and was too deeply frustrating to be next to someone that she loved so much, but felt so inadequate next to.

"Briar Fatalis"